Saturday, December 8, 2012

Just Some Things

Lately I've been feeling like I can't string more then one thought together for long enough to write a whole post about it. But I still want to get all these thoughts and feelings out of my brain so, like some bloggers do "Letter" posts, I'm just going to bullet point like 5 things that I've wanted to write about but can't focus on long enough to finish.

This morning's coffee.
Happy Saturday, btw. 10 days till vacation!!!

1. I've been feeling a lot more socially fulfilled lately, which is ironic because this week I've stopped working at my internship and that was like half of my social time. Then I was sitting at my desk at the studio this morning talking to my director and two of the older dancers and it struck me. I hang out with more people age 10-16 then I do my own age. It's time to start hanging out with people my own age.

2. I realize that I go home in 10 days. That's incredible! I'm so so excited but also a bit sad. That means another year has gone by that I've been creating this other life in which I'm not totally comfortable with. I think I need the little switch in my brain to click so I realize that this is a good thing, that I really do, deep down, love what I'm doing and where I am. I think I'm still clinging to the hope that everything will go back to normal. But I don't want it to, I like traveling and living in interesting places and seeing things and meeting new people. Dear brain, please get it through you!!

3. I've been enjoying running more. I ran for the first time outside yesterday and it was really really hard! But I liked it because I felt like I was making progress because I could see where my run ends and could give it actual distance. I've also spent the past few days looking at pictures of myself in 2011 when I lost a ton of weight. I was so confident and happy. I want that back. I want to look in the mirror and like what I see, not make excuses for what I see.

I have a goal. I'm giving myself till June to get myself back to where I want to be. That's a long time, I know, but I have a vacation planned for Vegas and I want to be able to walk around in shorts and a bikini and feel okay with it. I'm starting now. Wish me luck!

Christmas tree in my building.
4. I've had this whole f-ing fiasco with TMobile to deal with this week and it's actually really stressed me out. Long story short, I got sent to collections A. for an OBSCURE amount of money and B. when I shouldn't have (typical, right?) Since I've been dealing with it I suddenly realize just how my actions impact my life (which sounds ridiculous). Jake pointed out that if I let it go, it'll effect my credit and thus possibly effect any future purchases that rely on credit. Then I had a small panic attack about my future. Man, am I irrational or what? Wish me luck disputing TMobile from not only another country but another time zone! SO fun!

5. On my quest to better myself, I've successfully stopped biting my nails! They aren't very long yet but they're getting there, slowly. This is a HUGE deal for me. I've been biting my nails I think since before my nails started even forming (ew)! It's a nervous tick I think. But I decided that I was nice hands for Christmas and New Years pictures. Plus, having nice nails always has a way of making me feel more girlie!

What has everyone else been up to? Anything you want to get off your chest? I'm all ears!

Locked Out of Heaven

It's Saturday!
Get outta bed, throw some coffee on and dance around in your undies to this!

Thursday, December 6, 2012


Over the past month or so, I have set a goal to run 3 miles in 30 minutes by December 17th (the date in which I return home to Oregon). I started running a few weeks ago and was doing pretty good, until last week when my energy plumited and I chose to sleep in as much as I could to get through the last week of my hectic schedule.

But now, with 10 days left before I return to Oregon, I only have so long to get my butt into gear and reach my goal! I only have experience running indoors on a tredmill so far but am interested in finding my way into the great outdoors!!

So I'm out gathering information now:
If you are a runner, which do you prefer? Indoors or outdoors? I've heard outdoors is hard but I just get so bored in the gym and it's gets so hot, too!

I also just downloaded Nike+ Running app and am pretty excited to use it! For Christmas, I've asked for new running gear. I'm currently running in oversized t-shirts and yoga pants. I think that if I get some proper running pants and a better sports bra, I'll get more into it. You know, once you put money into something you feel like you have to use it all the time. That's exactly how I am!

On that note, does anyone have any running gear recommendations? I was just going to go ahead and get some Nike gear when I can afford it but if there's a brand out there that I don't know, it'd be nice to hear about it!!

Wednesday, December 5, 2012


Since I moved away from home in the summer of 2011, I've been having a really hard time adjusting to life. Adjusting to new places, new people and most of all, starting over all the time. I knew it was going to be difficult, but I never imagined it would be this difficult.

Christmas Joy.
But, I'm glad to report, that it's slowly getting easier. 

Yesterday I finished my first real internship at Post City Magazine. For three months, I was pulling double duty, working at the magazine in the morning then going to work at night. Besides being completely exhausted (so much so for the last week I kept sleeping through my work out alarm!), I actually started to grow more and more excited about the future. 

I've started feeling more confident about myself. Now I know what I am capable of, I feel more confident to head into the world and actually start developing my own career as a writer.

Over the past two weeks or so, I've been e-mailing a friend and former college editor about life. I always looked up to him because he is so talented and someone who's opinion a really trusted.  I asked him what I should do next, where should I go from here, how do I transition from this internship to life. And after a few e-mails, he pointed something out that made me have a light bulb moment. 

I'm having a hard time narrowing down a career because I just have too many ideas. 

At first I considered this a potentially bad thing. But over the past few days, I think I'm going to be okay. I like that I have many idea on what I want to do with my life. I like that I have so many options for my future, as long as I'm proactive with them. 

I'm going to spend the rest of my time here in Toronto participating in internships in different fields, working on narrowing down what I love to do. I'm going to build an sturdy portfolio, gain a lot of experience and go into my next move prepared for the future. 

I'm feeling really good about life right now. Maybe it's the sudden bank of free time. Maybe it's the Christmas mug I'm drinking coffee out of it. Maybe it's the less then two week countdown I have going for Christmas vacation. But maybe I am just, finally, finding myself.