The 'Ships.

I think I should write a book about the 'ships. Not just relationships. Not just friendships. Both. The 'ships. And not because I'm spectacularly good at them, but I could at least write a book about what not to do because I've made a lot of mistakes in my [almost] 25 short years. 

I think a lot about regret. When I'm 40 , will I look back and regret anything or wish I did things different? I've been thinking about it a lot this week. My best friend from college is going through a very rough patch, something I can't begin to understand, and it's made a part of my heart ache. That ache has woken a part of me from this weird numb slumber.

So this week I've been reflecting on the 'ships. I've been thinking what the 'ships means to me and what 'ships I have left.

I say 'left' for this reason: 2 years ago I made the conscious decision to change my life. I decided that I wanted to follow Jake in his pursuit of a career in hope that I would also find mine. As a result, a recently noticed result, I gave up a lot of friendships. I didn't intentionally give up on them, I don't even think give up is the appropriate word but as a result of me being so caught up in the excitement of being in a new place and the selfishness of being caught up in my life, I forgot to nurture the relationships with those I cared about. 



Boston Public Library.

Now I find myself a stranger looking in on the lives of those who I was a part of for a long time. And it's a very strange feeling. And I'm kind of suffering because of it.

As cliche as it is, a relationship (whether it be friend or romantic) is exactly like a ship. You begin a relationship with excitement and anticipation just as you board a ship looking forward to your journey. You could be lucky and sail smoothly around, enjoying the sunshine and good times. Or you could encounter choppy water, a storm or sharks. Then you dock, you come to the end of the journey, whether you realize it or not. Maybe some of my ships has docked and I'm just not ready to get off the boat.

This will never mean that that particular journey wasn't worth the trip or the time. This will never mean that you will forget that ship, the lessons, the memories. This just means that it's time to find a new voyage.

I'm a firm believer in fate, destiny, karma also. I think we meet people for a reason. I think we are meant to take something away from their spirit and carry it with us. Thinking back through my important 'ships, I've learned a specific thing from each person. I've learned it's okay to be a romantic. I've learned that I can do better things then I give myself credit for. I've learned not to put a romantic relationship ahead of friendship, especially if the guy is an obvious loser. I've learned to let my pride go when appropriate. I've learned how not to judge people. I've learned to listen first and talk later.

As cliche as it is, a relationship is exactly like a ship. So does this mean I can climb back on board, even to those ships I neglected, grab some paddles and work my way to sail again? Or are some ships meant to never sail again?



 

Home.

Home. It’s where we are from. The place where we grew as people. Where we learn how to walk, talk, use a spoon, ride a bike. It’s where our families are, our childhood friends. We know the back roads, the short cuts, the best routes.

Then home grows too small. We can’t stretch our legs or run far enough away. Like Alice, we’re sticking out of every open window and pushing the roof off. Eventually, we push the familiar away, not wanting what we are used to.

We’ve spent the first 16, 17, 18 years trying to figure things out. Then we want new things to figure out, a new puzzle. If we push hard enough, we’ll break the plastic. We trip and fall into the unexplored. Diving into dark water only to find a shore on the other side. We become Lewis and Clark, exploring sites unseen.

But time passes. We get use to being away. We lose touch with who we were, where we were, who we knew. We transition, forming into a new mold, melting into the cracks. Starting a new life is easy. But making it stick is hard. Meeting new people, trying new things, going to new places, it’s easy until you have to find your way back. We become well traveled, more knowledgeable but with nobody to share with but our own minds. We try activities and foods that we would possibly never try at home. But the novelty wears off. We get updates from home, “____ is doing this,” “_____ is doing that,” and start to wonder, when will “here” become “home?”

When will the navigation turn off and the short cuts turn on?

When will the friends you try to make become the friends you’ve always had?

When does here become home?

With Your Head Down.

Over the past few and a bit, I enjoy my walks. Whether it was walking to work in New Haven or walking to the subway now, I enjoy moving at a slower pace. It gives me more time to look around and take things in. I've also noticed that it allows me to observe more of my surroundings and get to know where I am better.

It wasn't until the other day, however, that I noticed a trend.

When I'm walking somewhere new, down a new street or taking a new way to work, or even on a stroll with Jake, I'm always looking up. I like to look at things around me and people around me as best I can. But the occasions where I'm walking somewhere familiar, I walk with my head down. And not just looking down. I've noticed that I walk with my head hanging down.

After a little reading on the subject, I've learned that my head down means I have self confidence issues and don't want to be looked at. Interestingly enough, both of those are true. While I'm slowly getting more comfortable with myself and accepting me for who I am, I still face self confidence issues and no, I don't really like to be looked at.

Another article says that walking with you hands in your pockets could mean you are unhappy with how you look and, combined with your head downs, means you're unhappy. I walk like this frequently. I put my hands in my pockets because it's cold, or so I thought. Could this mean that subconsciously I'm more unhappy that I know?

Today, I was walking down the long hallway at work back to my desk and I noticed that I was passing people and 99% of the time I have my head down. I started making the conscious effort to have my head up, smile and look at people more. I'm such a social being. I thrive on being social and having friends. Has the past year and a bit or moving a lot and being in places where I don't know people turned me into a recluse?

How do you walk? What do you think it says about you??

Seeking Friends.

 

 

Over the past few months, I've read some posts about making friends. As a person who moves a lot, I've found I have to make new friends frequently...and I also find it difficult to meet people and make friendly connections when not in a class environment or service inductry career. Another negative contributing factor to my friend-making equasion? I am in a relationship.

 

Love.

dun, dun, DUN!

 

And I guess once you're in a relationship, the only person you seem to be romotely fun, exciting or entertaining to is your significant other.

 

And I'm having a hard time with this.

 

So after a little over a year of failed attempts, hopes given up and these weird friend making websites that closely resemble dating websites, I decided to take a little inspiration from the blog posts I've been reading and find out just how to make friends when you're in a couple.

 

To my dismay, the only articles, blog posts and help forums I can find are for married couples, people over 30 or divorced women. None of which apply to me. Bummer.

 

I'm 24, I'm fun (I really am, I'm not saying that like how your mom says you're talented and we all know she's just saying that casue she's yo mama...ya know? And sorry mom, I know you really do think I'm talented ;) ), I love trying new things, meeting new people and being social. I really like being social. I like everything that Jane Smith over there likes, but I'm in a relationship. This must mean I have a "lame" sticker stuck to my back that I'm unaware of.

 

I think the problem is my age range. Your 20's is the time between being a carefree, experimental teenager and being of age when you try to find someone to settle down with. So where does that put me? Right between 24 and old, married lady. Most of the girls I meet are single and either looking for a boyfriend or enjoying her time to mix and mingle. Weekend agendas could consist of nightly bar prowling to find cute guys, and I guess carting around a girl in a relationship is bad ju-ju.

 

 Another negative aspect about my age range is career development. I am now out of college and giving up my carefree, pre-adult life in the service industry and buckling down to develop my career. I've encountered a lot of girls my age that aren't there yet or aren't ready to make career moves. So not only am I single-dude repellant at the bar, but I'm an old lady because I've been working all week and I don't feel like bar crawling till the wee hours of the morning. I have to work in tomorrow!

 

This is how I feel.

So here is my equasion:

 

Me + boyfriend (Jake) + moving a lot - being in school + attemptive career development - ample free time + awkward 20-something somewhere-between-single-and-married stage = literally no chance in hell I'm making friends.

 

So I've decided that I have two options:

 

1. Give up some of my 'together' time with Jake and play single (obvio not like seek other guys, but drop the 'we' talk, the comfy jeans and flats for 'I,' fitted jeans and those heels I've shoved in the closet somewhere) and spend a few weekends absorbing new girlfriends as the kind of person they need to see me as to be my friend. Then I'll let them in on the secret, shh!

 

2. Suck it up and find a couple friends. We've all seen the episode of How I Met Your Mother when Lilly and Marshall are looking for a couple to hang out with (and if you haven't seen it, GO WATCH IT IT'S HILARIOUS WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?!) But why does that sound so lame?

 

When I think of making couple friends to hang out with, I imagine Scrabble, knitting and early to bed. Is there a way to meet other couples that are like me and Jake?

 

Do you have any tips for me as I try to make new friends?

On the Danforth.

This week in Toronto is a rainy one. Not that I mind too much, I get to enjoy jeans and light hoodies, finally. 

New scarf that my mom got me for my birthday.

I'm heading to the Taste of the Danforth. It's a Greek street festival here in TO. Going to try some yummy things and see some fun people.

Tomorrow we bought the cheap seats to see the Blue Jays play with Yankees. I think I'll wear the Yankee jersey I somehow acquired while I was in New Haven. Show a little bit of America pride!

Secretly, the rain inspires me to make some tea, turn on some jazz and dig my sketch book out from the boxes I have yet to unpack. Not that I am any sort of good at drawing, but I pretend.

Lunch With Alice.

     Lunch with Alice has stemmed from Dinner with Alice which I tried to turn into a blog segment that just didn't get off the ground. I met Alice a few months back in the dark and dungy bar next to my house. We had been sent there by a mutual friend to meet up because we are both West Coast babies and obvio would connect right away. And I personally think we did!

     While we weren't the friends that spent every weekend together and know each other deep dark secrets, I always feel so comfortable with dear Alice. A conversation with Alice is always leaves me inspired, smiling and excited about anything that's coming up in my life. 

     We went to this little place down the street from my apartment called Sababa. It opened a few months ago and is a falafel place. Long story short, it was delicious, great price and just felt really fresh. 

      We sat in the courtyard in my apartment building. It's actually a really pretty place. It's above the street so you don't hear the pollution from the street while basking in this little haven. It's cooler today with more cloudy and breezes then I've seen all week. It was nice to sit in the shade and actually be cool. We sat and just shared. 

     [As I sit here writing this out, my dress is still warm from the sun. It's giving me that I-may-need-a-nap-in-the-afternoon kind of feeling. With all these warm thoughts, it may be easier to obtain!]

     It's so nice to find someone you can just be totally open with. I know I talk a lot, sometimes about relevant things and other times about things that probably do not matter, but she always just listens. I think it's so rare that you find someone so far from home that makes you feel so at home at the same time.

     Alice, if you're reading this I just want to say thank you for being my West away from home. You will truly be missed. Dinner with Alice will still be a fixture in my life, as I search for a new person to become my Alice in Toronto. I hope everything works out for you with your job and I hope you find that motivation, inspiration, light that you are searching for.

Stepping Back In: DC

Happy Monday everyone!!

It's a great Monday for me because for the first

time in a long time, I am not opening the bar!

I'm sorry but there's nothing worse then a Monday at a bar.

I thought I'd step back into reality for a little while

and share some high lights from my weekend in DC!

Crossing the Tappan Zee Bridge. 

We arrived in DC about 9pm on Friday night.

After catching up a bit with friends, we headed to a bar

called the H Street Country Club.

As we got off the Metro and into a cab, DC was hit by

the most intense thunderstorm.

As we drove, street signs were being torn off poles.

Scaffolding was flying through the air like paper.

Trees were being thrown around like dolls and we watched

many power outages.

But we made it to the bar!

This picture is of my friend Lizzie and I after out 4 second run from

the cab to the bar.

It was raining THAT hard.

Playing mini golf at the bar.

One of the holes was themed Zombie Presidents!

I <3 Teddy :)

Saturday, as my friends slept in, I got up and navigated my way to

Open City in DC to meet up with Brandi from Not Your Average Ordinary.

It was probably one of the best ideas of my life.

i'm at a cross roads and really needed to meet with a fellow blogger,

and not just any blogger!

I feel like Brandi and I really connected on different levels.

Go check her out!!

This is a picture of just one of the horrendously long

escalators taking me to the Metro platform.

Wanna hear the worst thing ever?

When I was on my way to meet Brandi, 

I had to CLIMB one of these bad boys....

I was slightly hung over...

and I was about 90 degrees.

No. Bueno.

The rest of Saturday was spent seeking refuge at the Smithsonian's 

Natural History Museum.

It was amazing!

I can't believe how many museums there ARE there!

While I could spend weeks wandering around,

I wasn't feeling it too much on Saturday.

It was hot, I was dehydrated and really tired.

I so not used to staying up late.

After a late lunch at a local Irish pub and a short nap

watching Ocean's 12, we headed to the east side of DC to see

Gareth Emery at Club Fur.

Man. It was probably one of the most amazing shows I've seen.

This is my life.

And I love it so.

After sleeping till 11:30, we pulled ourselves together

and braved the heat again to refuel.

We went to a little place called Blue 44,

and every single time someone said "Blue 44" 

all I wanted to say was "HIKE!"

or whatever they say in football...

I had Eastern Eggs Benedict which was a normal benedict

with a crab cake and fresh tomato.

It was incredible. And reasonably priced!!

We spent the rest of the day eating FroYo by the Zoo and watching America's Funniest Home Videos.

Jake and I braved the long 6 hour drive home and had a realy great time.

Sadly, this morning I had the hardest time getting up.

I really need to stop being so adventurous. 

It's exhausting.

9 days till TORONTO!

What A Wonderful World

Easter was a whirlwind of food, fun and sunshine!

Jacob and I enjoyed a morning at home, sleeping in and 

starting our morning with some cocktails!

I love me some mimosas, lets get that out in the open.

My favorite is to add some Framboise to the mix.

You can get a few different kinds of Framboise but it's usually raspberry, cherry, peach, etc.

Try it. It's delicious.

Then Jacob decided he wanted to make sausage rolls. These are something my Gramma use to make for special occasions. I. Friggin. LOVE. Them.

He did such a great job too :) 

And yes...we ate them ALL.

After consuming my weight in pastry and champagne, I got to business and made some DELICIOUS homemade Mac and Cheese...which I didn't get pictures of because it didn't last long I forgot :) Oops! But I swear it was PHENOMENAL!

Then we packed up the mac and the BBQ pulled pork Jacob made in the slow cooker and headed out to Shelton to a BBQ with some friends.

I dropped off these goodies to my friends who got stuck working at the bar today. They seemed happy to see me when I walked in :)

And these were my DOWNFALL today...chocolate with cream cheese frosting??

I love holidays!

All in all, it was a wonderful day! I'm still battling this weird head cold thing I have...just a lot of sinus pressure and not a whole love else! 

Now I'm catching up on some blogs and episodes of The Voice (I am ADDICTED!) and eating the last of the Easter candy.

What did you do today?? 

What was your favorite treat??

OH! Jacob also started germinating seeds for a hydroponic hanging garden! We don't have literally ANY space in our apartment so he looked up a way to make a hanging garden! It's made out of water bottles and a pump...it's pretty cool! I'm going to do a post once it's up and running. But for now, look how cute these little seeds are! So excited!

Playing Catch Up

It has been waaaaay too long since I updated last.
Life has been ridiculously busy, full of good times, working hard, and visiting new places with old friends.
I think the only appropriate thing to do is tell the story in pictures!

For Valentine's Day, Jake took me to Newport, Rhode Island. We toured the mansions out there. The history was spectacular! Plus, Newport is super cute in itself. This was my favorite.

I want to come home to this gate!

My best friend, Joanna, came for a visit from Oregon! I have never felt so happy since I've been on the East Coast! We explored New York City and then she came and saw my new home in New Haven, Connecticut. It was so nice having her here yet so difficult to let her go home.

Delicious lunch the first day at Planet Hollywood in Times Square!

Chocolate Souffle at Hells Kitchen Lounge. The best I've ever had! 

The new World Trade Centers.

NYC is just so beautiful.

Empire.

Who needs the country when you can have this?!

Jake made steak the night before I went to NYC. It was so amazing!

The Tick Tock Diner.

Meatloaf.

It has been such a great past few weeks. But I'm excited to get back into the swing of normal life.

I'm looking for some new crafts to explore...any ideas??

Till next time!