I think a lot about regret. When I'm 40 , will I look back and regret anything or wish I did things different? I've been thinking about it a lot this week. My best friend from college is going through a very rough patch, something I can't begin to understand, and it's made a part of my heart ache. That ache has woken a part of me from this weird numb slumber.
So this week I've been reflecting on the 'ships. I've been thinking what the 'ships means to me and what 'ships I have left.
I say 'left' for this reason: 2 years ago I made the conscious decision to change my life. I decided that I wanted to follow Jake in his pursuit of a career in hope that I would also find mine. As a result, a recently noticed result, I gave up a lot of friendships. I didn't intentionally give up on them, I don't even think give up is the appropriate word but as a result of me being so caught up in the excitement of being in a new place and the selfishness of being caught up in my life, I forgot to nurture the relationships with those I cared about.
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| Boston Public Library. |
As cliche as it is, a relationship (whether it be friend or romantic) is exactly like a ship. You begin a relationship with excitement and anticipation just as you board a ship looking forward to your journey. You could be lucky and sail smoothly around, enjoying the sunshine and good times. Or you could encounter choppy water, a storm or sharks. Then you dock, you come to the end of the journey, whether you realize it or not. Maybe some of my ships has docked and I'm just not ready to get off the boat.
This will never mean that that particular journey wasn't worth the trip or the time. This will never mean that you will forget that ship, the lessons, the memories. This just means that it's time to find a new voyage.
I'm a firm believer in fate, destiny, karma also. I think we meet people for a reason. I think we are meant to take something away from their spirit and carry it with us. Thinking back through my important 'ships, I've learned a specific thing from each person. I've learned it's okay to be a romantic. I've learned that I can do better things then I give myself credit for. I've learned not to put a romantic relationship ahead of friendship, especially if the guy is an obvious loser. I've learned to let my pride go when appropriate. I've learned how not to judge people. I've learned to listen first and talk later.
As cliche as it is, a relationship is exactly like a ship. So does this mean I can climb back on board, even to those ships I neglected, grab some paddles and work my way to sail again? Or are some ships meant to never sail again?
to expand the analogy..........perhaps you are the Ship. Your voyage begins at birth and travels who-knows-where until finally docking somewhere as your life concludes. Along the way you provide passage to a diverse collection of people and things, animal, vegetable and mineral. Some stay on-board for only a short time before leaving for some other journey. Some are with you over extended periods of time, others are already on the ship when you start out. All of them leave an impression, an entry in the Ships Log, if you will, which you can refer back to over and over again or ignore completely as you wish. Some of them re-embark at some later date, others are never heard from again although you wish you could again share time with them. For some it is good-riddance, others are a permanently painful loss. Through it all, though, your Ship continues to travel forwards, backwards, sideways. It's destination unknown and unknowable until you arrive. There are messages waiting at some ports of call. At some, nothing. Storms and calms, waves and ripples, fog and clear sailing. There are few weather forecasts to help you and even fewer voyagers to let you know what to expect since your voyage, your Ship, is unique to you. Maintain it if you can, trim the sails, polish the brightwork, scrub the decks clean when you can. If you're lucky you'll find a willing and able shipmate to help.
ReplyDeleteThis is so true and so beautiful.
DeleteBeautiful analogy Freya. If you were ever to write a book like that, I'd be sure to read it because relationships are fascinating to me. They can be so complicated - the meaningful ones usually are at least. I am so sorry that you are having these sad feelings about the friends that you've become distant with. Things can change though, I just reconnected with a high school friend who I hadn't talked to in over five years. We just picked up where we left off by writing long emails to each other, because we have things in common still and never had a falling out or anything. We were literally just across the country from one another and that's why we lost touch. You're still very young with a lot of life in front of you, so I think there's a good chance you will reconnect with some of these people. :) I look at my Mom and she's reconnected with people she hadn't talked to in 25 years!
ReplyDeleteI remember you wrote a post about wanting to meet more people and be socially active in your new city and you asked for ideas - did you have any luck?
Hope you have a good week, I'll be sending positive vibes your way!