Over the past few months, I've read some posts about making friends. As a person who moves a lot, I've found I have to make new friends frequently...and I also find it difficult to meet people and make friendly connections when not in a class environment or service inductry career. Another negative contributing factor to my friend-making equasion? I am in a relationship.
 |
| Love. |
And I guess once you're in a relationship, the only person you seem to be romotely fun, exciting or entertaining to is your significant other.
And I'm having a hard time with this.
So after a little over a year of failed attempts, hopes given up and these weird friend making websites that closely resemble dating websites, I decided to take a little inspiration from the blog posts I've been reading and find out just how to make friends when you're in a couple.
To my dismay, the only articles, blog posts and help forums I can find are for married couples, people over 30 or divorced women. None of which apply to me. Bummer.
I'm 24, I'm fun (I really am, I'm not saying that like how your mom says you're talented and we all know she's just saying that casue she's yo mama...ya know? And sorry mom, I know you really do think I'm talented ;) ), I love trying new things, meeting new people and being social. I really like being social. I like everything that Jane Smith over there likes, but I'm in a relationship. This must mean I have a "lame" sticker stuck to my back that I'm unaware of.
I think the problem is my age range. Your 20's is the time between being a carefree, experimental teenager and being of age when you try to find someone to settle down with. So where does that put me? Right between 24 and old, married lady. Most of the girls I meet are single and either looking for a boyfriend or enjoying her time to mix and mingle. Weekend agendas could consist of nightly bar prowling to find cute guys, and I guess carting around a girl in a relationship is bad ju-ju.
Another negative aspect about my age range is career development. I am now out of college and giving up my carefree, pre-adult life in the service industry and buckling down to develop my career. I've encountered a lot of girls my age that aren't there yet or aren't ready to make career moves. So not only am I single-dude repellant at the bar, but I'm an old lady because I've been working all week and I don't feel like bar crawling till the wee hours of the morning. I have to work in tomorrow!
 |
| This is how I feel. |
Me + boyfriend (Jake) + moving a lot - being in school + attemptive career development - ample free time + awkward 20-something somewhere-between-single-and-married stage = literally no chance in hell I'm making friends.
So I've decided that I have two options:
1. Give up some of my 'together' time with Jake and play single (obvio not like seek other guys, but drop the 'we' talk, the comfy jeans and flats for 'I,' fitted jeans and those heels I've shoved in the closet somewhere) and spend a few weekends absorbing new girlfriends as the kind of person they need to see me as to be my friend. Then I'll let them in on the secret, shh!
2. Suck it up and find a couple friends. We've all seen the episode of How I Met Your Mother when Lilly and Marshall are looking for a couple to hang out with (and if you haven't seen it, GO WATCH IT IT'S HILARIOUS WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?!) But why does that sound so lame?
When I think of making couple friends to hang out with, I imagine Scrabble, knitting and early to bed. Is there a way to meet other couples that are like me and Jake?
Do you have any tips for me as I try to make new friends?
Hey sweetie, I really enjoyed reading this post cause i've been going through the same thing as you. Making friends had never been a problem for me in the last till my husband and I moved to Germany two years ago. The first year was so damn hard I just couldn't seem to make friends and was could hardly understand a word of German! After months and months of being miserable I went to German language school and meet so many other people in the same position as me and made some amazing friends.
ReplyDeleteI think it was so important for me to get out of my comfort zone even though it can be so hard to do!
I sent you an e-mail but I thought I'd reply here too :) Germany?! At least I know the language here!!!! I bet that was so difficult but I also bet you're a stronger person for it :) I've been thinking about joining some classes after Christmas to see if I can make friends that way. I just want someone I can really get along with.
DeleteHmm. I am pretty much perpetually single so I haven't been a part of a couple trying to make friends, but I do have a few suggestions because when I moved to Portland I knew nobody, and now I have lots of friends (thank goodness). I don't think you have to be down to go to bars to meet people; I have made friends through volunteering, group activities (running club, etc.), and work. There are so many things that you or your boyfriend could sign up for that involve the same group of people meeting regularly: sports leagues (this is HUGE in Portland, especially kickball, and it's all very very laid back), a non-profit volunteer group, a photography or some other kind of "fun" not-for-credit class at a local community college, etc. etc. I also think that it's important to say Yes to everything you are invited to (unless it's a crowd you really don't want to be around) even if your boyfriend can't go and it's only you. I hope this helps, I don't think you are alone in this at all! :)
ReplyDeleteThis does help!! I tend to get a little a discouraged and become an introvert. I think joining a sports team would be a good idea!!!! I love kick ball :) Kick ball leagues were big in Connecticut too. I've joined some Meet Ups, but haven't found any group that I really like. The groups that are into things besides drinking are usually all older people and the groups that are more people my age (24) are all into drinking. I just need to find a happy medium!!! I've met one girl that I seem to really get along with so I'm putting in a lot of effort to hang out with her. I think after my schedule opens up after Christmas, I'll go all out to make friends. Right now I work 63 hours a week and only have the weekends off but I'll stick to it :) I've been thinking about looking into community classes as well, maybe a cooking class or a sewing class. Thanks for the advise!
DeleteI get the feeling of finding it hard to make friends. I am single but I seem to only make friends with a lot of taken people! Then come my birthday which happens to be Valentine's day, I'm a loner. Going to college was definitely a challenge and my first year I made friends out of convenience. I was friends with everyone on my floor around me and realistically, we just were very different people. My school has a Facebook group for each graduating year and on it I found people that needed another roommate for this year. The girls lived in my building so I did kinda know them already but it honestly worked out so well this year I couldn't be happier. Sometimes you have to go through a crappy few months, or year like me, and then things will come to you!
ReplyDeleteIsn't that always the way?? I can only find single friends and you can only find ones in couples!! I had a really hard time in college my freshman year too. I kind did the same thing!! I made friends with some of the girls on my floor but it was def mainly out of convenience. Eventually, we all found different groups but it's lucky you had that Facebook group!! I think I'll make friend eventually, I just have to really work at it, ya know? It's like dating! haha
Delete