Friday, September 28, 2012

Self Esteem Boost.

I started a new job this week that requires me to be around a lot of 13 year old girls who are as tall as me, the size of my calf and are 16 times as limber.

Ah it makes me miss dancing.

Beautiful.


Anyway, while I sit here on my second day, I started thinking....the bad thoughts. Why can't I be smaller or shorter or thinner or less curvy then I listened to the song they were dancing to, "If I Ain't Got You," by Alicia Keys and I realized something.

The people in my life will and have loved me for me. So why do I want to be different?
It's true I'm trying to lose some weight, I find nothing wrong with wanting to be the best person you can. But I constantly have to check myself and remember why I'm doing it. I have to check myself and remember that I am so loved and I am so lucky to be where I am and to be surrounded by those who love me (even if it is a sort of long distance surrounding....).

Will I ever wake up one day and love me for me? Will I ever wake up one day and think of myself as enough?

I sure hope so. I would really like that, to like myself. I think I'm getting there.
Right now, my biggest issue is my clothing. I've fluctuated drastic amounts in the past year. I was heavy then light now I'm "smoothing" out. But in that process, I got rid of a lot of my clothes. Now I have a very odd assortment of clothes, some are too small, some are too big and most are totally out of date or style.

Can material goods like clothing really affect the way you see yourself? I think yes.
Today, for example, I wore a cute shirt that is cut well for my body. But I had to pair it with some Capri's that are quite big (which I like deep down because when I bought them at the beginning of the summer, they were tight!). And my shoes...well lets not go there because my shoe situation is horrible. And I keep thinking, I just need a few pieces to make my wardrobe into what I want it to be, which is not this weird rejected look from the 90's.
So I'm going to try to keep my head up and eyes focused on the future. I'm going to try to keep my emotions sorted and my goals in mind. I'm going to stay rested and eat well and exercise when I can and not push myself too exhaustion.

This post was a random thought train that started pouring out. I have 22 minutes left of my super long day 2 of new schedule and I'm trying to keep my head up.

Do you have any pointers on how I can keep all these things in order or any style tips? E-mail me or leave a comment below!  


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