Sometimes I feel like God. No, seriously I do! Don't laugh. I feel like God...just without the life-altering powers, all seeing-ness and, well, the old age.
I spend half my morning observing those in another world. I look into their lives, see what they're up to, what they did yesterday, what they're having for breakfast, what they're doing this weekend. I am able to look into lives that I do not influence on the daily but are connected to in ways. I am God, you see, I am able to be with these people, to touch their lives so subtly that they don't realize I'm here. I am looking in.
By being God, of course, I mean that I spend 2 hours in Facebook stalking my friends who live back in the United States. I am physically nothing like God. Way hotter. But it's because of Facebook that I can be so far away and still feel like I'm 2 blocks away from my familiar. I'm constantly looking in. It's like I'm outside and peeking in. It's weird.
I talked with my mom last night about how I feel like I've been forgotten. Now, I'm not looking for pity or anything, it's not like that. I feel like I've been forgotten in the way that nobody contacts me, not really. Again, not pitying myself, it's just an observation from the other side.
Yes, I moved out of the country but that doesn't mean I'm in some twilight zone and I don't have internet or e-mail. [To quote my mother last night: "Do they have Craigslist there?" "Mom, it's not Neptune of course they have Craigslist."] It's just so interesting to observe these lives that I used to be a part of, to look into their day to day and it just seems like it was a dream, ya know?
Honestly, this just motivates me to create a world here of my own. It certainly doesn't feel like a vacation anymore. I'm working on making friends and getting a big girl job. I'm growing to like this invisible wall surrounding me. I feel like I'm in another world and it's all mine. I feel like an exotic explorer that can only be contacted my letter. I need to return home with stories of lands conquered, languages mastered and spirits freed.
Look out, USA, soon they'll make a move about me!