Showing posts with label Sunday Thoughts. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Sunday Thoughts. Show all posts

Sunday, September 23, 2012

Sunday Thoughts: Jake.

I want this month to be over because it would mean Jake's schedule changes. This month has been rough for me. Jake's my best friend, my partner and my room mate. In a city where the number of people I know can be counted on one hand, it's hard not seeing him every day.

He just left for work and this week will be harder then the others. As of Tuesday I start my new job, which means 9-9:30 Tuesday through Friday. It means that I completely miss the window where Jake is home. *sigh* Just get through the week, right? Just a few steps further, right?

I hate sounding like the girl who's dependent on her boyfriend, but I'm facing it, I am the girl who's dependent on her boyfriend. If we were home in Oregon, it would be a completely different story. But I think I'll be busy and it'll be good. I'm excited to have a job that pays money. It's been so long since I've worked and gotten paid for it. Jake has been my rock.

We spent the day being lazy. He made 8 pounds of ribs. I stayed mainly in a in pajamas and cuddled on the couch. Then, in a hung over hazy state, we pulled the couch bed out, piled all of our pillows and gathered all the blankets to huddle down and take a nap. Jake promptly fell asleep and I spent a few minutes just watching him.

I started thinking back to the beginning of our story and boy it's been a long and slightly movie like. I went through so much shit in the past. I made so many mistakes and hurt a few people along the way. But I like to think I've learned from them all. Life is about risks, right?


Sunday, September 16, 2012

Sunday Thoughts: Real Pain.

Sometimes I wonder whether I'll ever feel real pain. Like the real aching, mind altering, deep, whole pain. I know I've felt pain before, both physical and emotional, but it's never been real pain.

I've gotten dumped before, but I've never lost someone I love.
I've hurt myself physically but have never been hurt so badly my life is threatened. 

I wonder if I ever will feel that. I wonder if I ever want to feel that. I think I want to feel that. I think I won't know what it's like to be alive until I feel a pain like that.

Source.