Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Daily-O Paleo: Observations

Welcome to day two of the Paleo way of life!

I know it's probably too soon to have any real observations but I do have a few from just the past day and a half that I feel I should get off my chest as to prevent an explosion.

Cumin is my new fave.
1. The food is pretty great actually: I'm lovin' breakfast. This morning we had two eggs, sunny side up, with 2 bacons, slices of avocado and some homemade pico de gallo. Awesome. Everything else seems to be easy, lunch is normal and having a snack is nice. Dinner's are yummy but weird, mostly because I'm used to having to pair my meat with something. Like tonight we have an amazing tasting Mexican beef stew and I feel like I should be paring it with rice or something. But that's ok, I like meat enough to eat on it's own! 

2. My sweet tooth is lonely: I have SUCH a sweet tooth. I spent a good part of last night at work craving sugar. I think it's because I associate work with candy haha! That'll be a rough one to get over.

3. The cooking and cleaning is a little... excessive: Like I said, it maybe be a BIT too soon to tell but I spent a good part of yesterday cooking and this morning. I finally sat down after making breakfast, lunch and dinner and cleaning the kitchen. That means I spend the majority of my free time cooking and cleaning. I need to find a system and fast. If I have no time to do what I want or what I have to do, that I'll be an angry bird.

4. Avocado and coconut: Two of my favorite foods make daily appearance in my diet and I love it. Coconut and avocados are spectacular. 

Other then that, everything seems to be going alright! I'm just finishing up my lunch, tuna with celery, pickles, dill, salt/pepper, mustard and homemade mayo (which was an interesting experience to make and an even more interesting taste) and tomatoes with an avocado. Then I'm going to get ready for work, pack up my dinner and my snack and head to work...hopefully to get some coure work done.  

Monday, February 25, 2013

Daily-O Paleo

So today Jacob and I are joining the Whole30/Paleo craze. For us, it's more then a craze, however. We both want to start feeling better about ourself and start feeling better in general. We both are decent at eating well and I'm good at going to the gym but something isn't working so we're seeking help.

The book we are using as a guide.
I'm actually really excited about this. I know it's going to be tough and I'll have bad days but I'm excited for the challenge. I think it'll give me the push I need. 

We're going grocery shopping for it today. Over the weekend, we bought a bunch of awesome kitchen organizers so we're fully prepared and tossed out/donated the food that isn't part of our new life. Let's just say our shelves are pretty freaking bare!

And lucky you, you get to read all about it! I'm going to post once a week the foods I ate and how I feel. I think it'll be a good check and balance system for me, ya know? And if anyone has tried this or lives this way already, any pointers and suggestions are welcome!

I've also decided it's a good time to set some goals for this time:

-Enhance my positive attitude: I have a hard time being positive, I know that. But I'm doing everything I can to keep this in a positive light. Instead of saying I "can't" have bread, I say to myself that I "won't" or that I "choose" not to have bread. "Can't" is such a negative word.

-Feel better: I think I've been blessed to inherit some family food allergies. I'm hoping that with Paleo that I'll be able to start to physically feel better, not just look better.

-Connect/bond with Jacob: While we have a pretty awesome and solid relationship already, I see no harm in deepening that connection and getting to a new level. And I know something like this, a life change, will bring us closer together. I think it will strengthen our support for each other.

-Raise self esteem: Yes, loosing weight is at the top of my "How to feel better about yourself" guide but I think if my body starts to feel better combined with my jeans feeling a little less tight, that'll help me raise my self esteem.

Ultimately, I'm in this to support myself, support my man and start to feel better. Wish me luck!

My new motto!

Friday, February 22, 2013

Being a Wallflower.

I just finished watching The Perks of Being a Wallflower. I'm having one of those rosy lit, dreamy moments in my mind. It's late at night, it's dark and it's quite throughout the building. All the people are sleeping and I feel like I've been privileged to witness this beautiful moment. 

I had always heard of The Perks of Being a Wallflower but I never read it. I never knew what it was about and, for some reason, I never sought it out. In this moment, as the credits are still rolling on my screen and David Bowie is telling me how we can be heros, I realized what an impact that book would have had on my life when I was in high school. 

Watching that movie was like watching what I felt my high school experience was like, in it's own ways. I had my share of issues, hardships and triumphs. But this story is such a beautiful story about adolescence, finding yourself through others and figuring out how to make use of this life you have and the people in it.

I'm officially obsessed with it, as I was obsessed with The Virgin Suicides before I passed my copy of that book off to another person. This beautiful song of childhood and adolescence, growing up, failing and trying again. The pain and excitement of growing up, there's literally nothing like it anymore. Exploring life for the first time, experiencing an arsenal of emotions. 

Oh, I miss the romantic, dreamy, excited, hopeful days of not knowing what my life was about or where it was going. I can't wait to reach a path in my life where it's time to go into the unknown again.

This movie was so wonderful.

Not to mention the soundtrack. Holy cow, all the classics.

So now's a great time to turn the lights off, plug in the headphones and just turn it up. 

Thursday, February 21, 2013

White Organization.

Guys, I've been really getting shit done lately. Well that is, all the shit I have to get done besides keeping up with blogs...but I feel like a return to the steady blogverse is approaching.

I really like to be organized, or at least pretend to be organized. I think it motivates me to get things done more. I've been working on blog ideas, with some help from readers (thank you for your comments on that last post, btw, I started keeping a journal in my purse for the odd moment when I have an idea!) and am getting my life more in order.

I have a thing about lists. I even like making lists of lists that I have to make. It's sick, I know. So, in order to kick start my almost-Springtime self, I bought a white board and have decided to keep weekly goals and to-do's on it. And so far, it's really helping!

For example, this morning I wanted to stay in bed and hit the snooze a few more times but when I rolled over, I saw my white board and all I have left to accomplish for the week. So now, about 1 hour later, I am three cups of coffee down with an organized desk and a clean work space. Now I'm ready to start checking off some weekly goals and to-dos!

Guys, I'm really proud of myself.

Here's to getting back on the band wagon!

Oh and on a second note, do you know who Nigella Lawson is? She's a chef that I totally adore and love. Randomly, one of the dancer's at the studio I work at was telling me how her mom was hosting an event for Nigella here in Toronto and that she had to go help out. I lost my shit because I love Nigella Lawson so last night, the dancer brought me this:

Yeah, so it's safe to say that I'm pretty excited.

Wednesday, February 20, 2013


Let's talk about Rihanna.

I'm not like a huge Rihanna fan, I like her music but think she could be seen as a bad role model for young girls...but then, common, who am I kidding.

Her new song, with Mikky Echo, I think is absolutley amazing. I realy love it. The words, I have felt those before. I love her voice and am glad that she did a song that shows her ability. If you haven't heard it yet, here it is.

Thursday, February 14, 2013

Happy Valentine's Day--2013

Today is Valentine's Day and I like it. I like this holiday because I love love. This week I spent a lot of time making treats for my coworkers, the dancer's at the school and Jake. I made truffles, chocolate covered pretzels and rice krispie treats. It was so much fun!

Making truffles!
But now I'm sitting here, on the actual day, and I have like the worst tummy ache. Ug.

Next month is an exciting month for me. Jake mentioned starting something called Whole30 and, after discussing it a lot and looking into more details, we've decided to see how we can make the Whole30/paleo idea part of our everyday life.

As I've discussed before, working out, being healthy and eating well are really important things in my life. But occasionally, I have a hard time sticking to my ideas and plans. I think my life now causes me to eat as a comfort, as a way to hang out with people and as a way to spend time. But I have literally had enough. I have a problem with eating and I want to control it.

So we bought a great book and I've been doing extensive reading on the subject. I am so excited to start the paleo diet! Honestly, I hate using the word "diet" because for a lot of people, including myself, it stimulates thoughts about restrictions and "can't have" and being bad but I'm trying something new. I'm trying to look at it like a good thing! I think trying this out will help me feel physically better and will give me that confidence that I need!

A few years ago, I lost a ton of weight for a work weight loss challenge. While I didn't reach 2nd place and my goal weight in a completely healthy way, I found it easy to do so because I was being challenged by someone. I think that drive was good for me.

I'm hoping to bring that challenge with me as I challenge myself to be happy and also helps that I'm going to a rave in Vegas in June and really want to be comfortable in my body!

So next month starts a better, healthier, happier me! I really want to get started ASAP but literally the day we decided to go for it was the day we went grocery shopping and bought a bunch of stuff and I don't want to waste it. I'm really excited, you guys, like really excited.

I'm going to be keeping a blog/journal about what I eat, how it makes me feel, how I'm coping with the process and all my thoughts in between. I think it's going to be good.

Thursday, February 7, 2013

4th Wall.

I'm coming back down the a bad case of I-Can't-Finish-A-Post-itis. Shit.

I can sit here and think about 30 different things in 4 minutes but I can't seem to nail anything down. 

Legit, just now I was staring off into space. 

The only thought still holding my brain in place is the past. The past isn't exactly a thought, it's more then that but at this time it feels like a moment. It feels like a dream, it never happened, any of it. But if you throw numbers into it, then chunks of time are missing and things don't add up.

I feel like this the moment in my life in which I turn to the camera, break the, what is it, 4th wall? I turn to face the audience and am instantly pulled from the actions behind me, spending all my time staring at people who don't really exist.

Saturday, February 2, 2013

The 'Ships.

I think I should write a book about the 'ships. Not just relationships. Not just friendships. Both. The 'ships. And not because I'm spectacularly good at them, but I could at least write a book about what not to do because I've made a lot of mistakes in my [almost] 25 short years. 

I think a lot about regret. When I'm 40 , will I look back and regret anything or wish I did things different? I've been thinking about it a lot this week. My best friend from college is going through a very rough patch, something I can't begin to understand, and it's made a part of my heart ache. That ache has woken a part of me from this weird numb slumber.

So this week I've been reflecting on the 'ships. I've been thinking what the 'ships means to me and what 'ships I have left.

I say 'left' for this reason: 2 years ago I made the conscious decision to change my life. I decided that I wanted to follow Jake in his pursuit of a career in hope that I would also find mine. As a result, a recently noticed result, I gave up a lot of friendships. I didn't intentionally give up on them, I don't even think give up is the appropriate word but as a result of me being so caught up in the excitement of being in a new place and the selfishness of being caught up in my life, I forgot to nurture the relationships with those I cared about. 

Boston Public Library.
Now I find myself a stranger looking in on the lives of those who I was a part of for a long time. And it's a very strange feeling. And I'm kind of suffering because of it.

As cliche as it is, a relationship (whether it be friend or romantic) is exactly like a ship. You begin a relationship with excitement and anticipation just as you board a ship looking forward to your journey. You could be lucky and sail smoothly around, enjoying the sunshine and good times. Or you could encounter choppy water, a storm or sharks. Then you dock, you come to the end of the journey, whether you realize it or not. Maybe some of my ships has docked and I'm just not ready to get off the boat.

This will never mean that that particular journey wasn't worth the trip or the time. This will never mean that you will forget that ship, the lessons, the memories. This just means that it's time to find a new voyage.

I'm a firm believer in fate, destiny, karma also. I think we meet people for a reason. I think we are meant to take something away from their spirit and carry it with us. Thinking back through my important 'ships, I've learned a specific thing from each person. I've learned it's okay to be a romantic. I've learned that I can do better things then I give myself credit for. I've learned not to put a romantic relationship ahead of friendship, especially if the guy is an obvious loser. I've learned to let my pride go when appropriate. I've learned how not to judge people. I've learned to listen first and talk later.

As cliche as it is, a relationship is exactly like a ship. So does this mean I can climb back on board, even to those ships I neglected, grab some paddles and work my way to sail again? Or are some ships meant to never sail again?