The 'Ships.

I think I should write a book about the 'ships. Not just relationships. Not just friendships. Both. The 'ships. And not because I'm spectacularly good at them, but I could at least write a book about what not to do because I've made a lot of mistakes in my [almost] 25 short years. 

I think a lot about regret. When I'm 40 , will I look back and regret anything or wish I did things different? I've been thinking about it a lot this week. My best friend from college is going through a very rough patch, something I can't begin to understand, and it's made a part of my heart ache. That ache has woken a part of me from this weird numb slumber.

So this week I've been reflecting on the 'ships. I've been thinking what the 'ships means to me and what 'ships I have left.

I say 'left' for this reason: 2 years ago I made the conscious decision to change my life. I decided that I wanted to follow Jake in his pursuit of a career in hope that I would also find mine. As a result, a recently noticed result, I gave up a lot of friendships. I didn't intentionally give up on them, I don't even think give up is the appropriate word but as a result of me being so caught up in the excitement of being in a new place and the selfishness of being caught up in my life, I forgot to nurture the relationships with those I cared about. 



Boston Public Library.

Now I find myself a stranger looking in on the lives of those who I was a part of for a long time. And it's a very strange feeling. And I'm kind of suffering because of it.

As cliche as it is, a relationship (whether it be friend or romantic) is exactly like a ship. You begin a relationship with excitement and anticipation just as you board a ship looking forward to your journey. You could be lucky and sail smoothly around, enjoying the sunshine and good times. Or you could encounter choppy water, a storm or sharks. Then you dock, you come to the end of the journey, whether you realize it or not. Maybe some of my ships has docked and I'm just not ready to get off the boat.

This will never mean that that particular journey wasn't worth the trip or the time. This will never mean that you will forget that ship, the lessons, the memories. This just means that it's time to find a new voyage.

I'm a firm believer in fate, destiny, karma also. I think we meet people for a reason. I think we are meant to take something away from their spirit and carry it with us. Thinking back through my important 'ships, I've learned a specific thing from each person. I've learned it's okay to be a romantic. I've learned that I can do better things then I give myself credit for. I've learned not to put a romantic relationship ahead of friendship, especially if the guy is an obvious loser. I've learned to let my pride go when appropriate. I've learned how not to judge people. I've learned to listen first and talk later.

As cliche as it is, a relationship is exactly like a ship. So does this mean I can climb back on board, even to those ships I neglected, grab some paddles and work my way to sail again? Or are some ships meant to never sail again?



 

Seeking Friends.

 

 

Over the past few months, I've read some posts about making friends. As a person who moves a lot, I've found I have to make new friends frequently...and I also find it difficult to meet people and make friendly connections when not in a class environment or service inductry career. Another negative contributing factor to my friend-making equasion? I am in a relationship.

 

Love.

dun, dun, DUN!

 

And I guess once you're in a relationship, the only person you seem to be romotely fun, exciting or entertaining to is your significant other.

 

And I'm having a hard time with this.

 

So after a little over a year of failed attempts, hopes given up and these weird friend making websites that closely resemble dating websites, I decided to take a little inspiration from the blog posts I've been reading and find out just how to make friends when you're in a couple.

 

To my dismay, the only articles, blog posts and help forums I can find are for married couples, people over 30 or divorced women. None of which apply to me. Bummer.

 

I'm 24, I'm fun (I really am, I'm not saying that like how your mom says you're talented and we all know she's just saying that casue she's yo mama...ya know? And sorry mom, I know you really do think I'm talented ;) ), I love trying new things, meeting new people and being social. I really like being social. I like everything that Jane Smith over there likes, but I'm in a relationship. This must mean I have a "lame" sticker stuck to my back that I'm unaware of.

 

I think the problem is my age range. Your 20's is the time between being a carefree, experimental teenager and being of age when you try to find someone to settle down with. So where does that put me? Right between 24 and old, married lady. Most of the girls I meet are single and either looking for a boyfriend or enjoying her time to mix and mingle. Weekend agendas could consist of nightly bar prowling to find cute guys, and I guess carting around a girl in a relationship is bad ju-ju.

 

 Another negative aspect about my age range is career development. I am now out of college and giving up my carefree, pre-adult life in the service industry and buckling down to develop my career. I've encountered a lot of girls my age that aren't there yet or aren't ready to make career moves. So not only am I single-dude repellant at the bar, but I'm an old lady because I've been working all week and I don't feel like bar crawling till the wee hours of the morning. I have to work in tomorrow!

 

This is how I feel.

So here is my equasion:

 

Me + boyfriend (Jake) + moving a lot - being in school + attemptive career development - ample free time + awkward 20-something somewhere-between-single-and-married stage = literally no chance in hell I'm making friends.

 

So I've decided that I have two options:

 

1. Give up some of my 'together' time with Jake and play single (obvio not like seek other guys, but drop the 'we' talk, the comfy jeans and flats for 'I,' fitted jeans and those heels I've shoved in the closet somewhere) and spend a few weekends absorbing new girlfriends as the kind of person they need to see me as to be my friend. Then I'll let them in on the secret, shh!

 

2. Suck it up and find a couple friends. We've all seen the episode of How I Met Your Mother when Lilly and Marshall are looking for a couple to hang out with (and if you haven't seen it, GO WATCH IT IT'S HILARIOUS WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?!) But why does that sound so lame?

 

When I think of making couple friends to hang out with, I imagine Scrabble, knitting and early to bed. Is there a way to meet other couples that are like me and Jake?

 

Do you have any tips for me as I try to make new friends?