Home.

Home. It’s where we are from. The place where we grew as people. Where we learn how to walk, talk, use a spoon, ride a bike. It’s where our families are, our childhood friends. We know the back roads, the short cuts, the best routes.

Then home grows too small. We can’t stretch our legs or run far enough away. Like Alice, we’re sticking out of every open window and pushing the roof off. Eventually, we push the familiar away, not wanting what we are used to.

We’ve spent the first 16, 17, 18 years trying to figure things out. Then we want new things to figure out, a new puzzle. If we push hard enough, we’ll break the plastic. We trip and fall into the unexplored. Diving into dark water only to find a shore on the other side. We become Lewis and Clark, exploring sites unseen.

But time passes. We get use to being away. We lose touch with who we were, where we were, who we knew. We transition, forming into a new mold, melting into the cracks. Starting a new life is easy. But making it stick is hard. Meeting new people, trying new things, going to new places, it’s easy until you have to find your way back. We become well traveled, more knowledgeable but with nobody to share with but our own minds. We try activities and foods that we would possibly never try at home. But the novelty wears off. We get updates from home, “____ is doing this,” “_____ is doing that,” and start to wonder, when will “here” become “home?”

When will the navigation turn off and the short cuts turn on?

When will the friends you try to make become the friends you’ve always had?

When does here become home?

Bookcase.

While I think technology is ruining the world, I'm still holding onto books. I refuse to admit that there is anything better then lovely thick pieces of paper, printed with ink and bound together. I love everything about books, especially old books. I love the smell of old books.

Amazing.

I was having a conversation today with a coworker about books. I don't think I will ever succumb to a Kindle or iPad for reading. I don't think I could do that. I need to hold the book. I love to dog ear the pages and crack the spines. Searching for where you left off is part of the magic of reading! If it's a book I particularly love, I'll even highlight passages I like. You can't do that with a Kindle.

When I grow up and have a house of my own, I want a large bookcase. Preferably, I'd have a library with shelves and shelves and shelves, plenty of room to store my babies.

I like to think I have a solid collection of books for my age, but I can't wait to expand it. I have a very extensive cook book collection, thank you to my wonderful grandmother who usually includes at least one cook book at each gift giving event. And I welcome them all with open arms. I think I've tried at least once recipe from each book, except maybe the fine French cuisine but it's on my to do list! I actually miss them, my cook books. I used to go to them for everything but now that they're in storage, I have to refer to the Internet *shudder*.

But I'm constantly having this inner battle with myself about the library. I loved the library when I was a kid. It allowed me access to any book I could literally think of and I read a lot when I was a kid. But now, like, I want a library card but I don't see the point, since I'm a book whore...er...hoarder, I don't want to rent the book, read it, then buy it. I want to straight up buy it. Luckily, however, I am the book buyer that actually rereads books! I think if I didn't then I'd have a problem but I have some books that I've read three or four times! That's the best part about owning books, honestly.

I hope that books stay around forever. As my internship ends, I plan on treating myself to some new books. Well, technically old books. There's a store here called The Monkey's Paw that I want to visit. It's a used book store but it has some really strange books. They also have a book vending machine. That's right. You'll just have to wait to see pictures!

The Dirty Life.

Currently, I'm reading The Dirty Life. It's a story about a woman who suddenly finds herself uprooting everything she has been her whole life, falling in love with a rustic farmer and starting a farm from scratch with him.

Now, I've found myself, more often then not, totally relating to her, the situations she finds herself in and the path she chooses to take. I'm not exactly on a path like hers, I'm actually following that path in an arcing fashion.

Source.

I was raised more on a farm then not (meaning I did farm-esque chores and had more of a farm life then any other kid I was friends with. I know how to clean out animal pens, identify types of chickens by their egg color and clip wings while I don't know how to play Super Mario, I couldn't name more then two cartoon shows and I wouldn't be able to name all the charms in Lucky Charms). Some of the stories the author tells remind me of times on my parents land, the ridiculous things I've done in the name of 'farming' and what I plan to do with my life.

As much as I've tried to fight the farmers life, it's buried deep inside my soul. I have come to terms with the fact that I will spend the rest of my life somewhere within the vicinity of farming. Lucky girl I am, in my attempts to push myself further into urban life, I've found myself smack dab in the middle of a (really good) relationship with a guy who, at some point, wants to join the over-all wearing, straw hat totin', hoin' kind.

Fresh from my parents garden.

But I must say, reading this book has made me miss Oregon. I was walking to work this morning and I had some crazy deja vu about walking down the garden at my parents house, the familiar crunchy-squelch of the wet, muddy grass covered in half frozen leaves. The dogs running on ahead, occasionally barking at a squirrel who thought it was safe to exit the apple tree. I thought about opening the chicken coop, shooing squawking hens off the nests and carefully putting warm eggs in a tub. 

As I sit here, remembering the feel of the air, the smell of the grass and the sounds surrounding me, I can also imagine the scoffing my parents just be doing right now. It's hard growing up doing different things then all your friends. Of course, when I was 12 the last thing I wanted to do on a Saturday morning was clean out the rabbit run, shovel chicken crap or help stack wood, but as I'm getting older and moving to all these different, mostly more urban places, I miss those days.

The garden after my sister's wedding.

Maybe it's the time of year, with winter coming and the holidays close behind. I think I miss the warmth of the wood stove in my parents' kitchen, the smell of baking bread, the familiar puddles of warmth in bed as the hot water bottle heats the covers. I miss the tinkling of the front gate bell and the twinkle of the lights from the house shining through the holly tree out front. I miss my dog, Chasey, sleeping on her strangely over-stuffed yet too small for her dog bed and the silky soft cat who I swear will probably never die sneaking into the kitchen unnoticed by the dog to curl up on the chair by the wood stove.

It's so weird the things you miss as you get older.

Countdown.

It's November and November seems to be a big countdown month for me. And, if you knew me, you'd know that I love a good countdown! I thought I'd share what I'm counting down to!

Source.

1. My Internship is over in 18 days:

Not that I'm overjoyed to be done here at Post City magazines. I've learned a lot and enjoyed my time here. I'm excited that I have a portfolio that has grown immensely and I have made some good connections here. But lets be real, I'm excited to get back to a slightly normal sleeping schedule. 5-6 hours is simply not enough for me! 

2. Christmas Vacation in 40 days:

In 40 days, Jake and I fly back to Oregon for 10 days!! I'm so excited to see family and friends and celebrate Christmas. If you knew me, you'd know I love Christmas like a junkie loves smack! (I just wanted to say "junkie" and "smack." I don't get a lot of opportunities in real life.) 

3. New Years in Columbus:

I started going to Columbus for Jake. He went to college there. But over the past two years and countless trips there, I've really grown attached to it! I vaguely know my way around and have made some pretty good friends along the way. I'm ecstatic to return this year and celebrate the new year with some really cool people! And my boyfriend of course. (Psst, it'll also be Jake and my official 2 year anniversary!) 

4. EDC in 225 days:

It started as just an idea but then it grew. I am so pleased that we bought early bird tickets to Electronic Daisy Carnicval for next June! It's a 3 day festival in Las Vegas and over 300,000 people attend. It's going to be wild! I am so pumped. It's been a while since Jake and I took a vacation for just vacation's sake and even though it's 225 days away, I'm already planning some outfits.