Wednesday, October 24, 2012


Each night, I sit down and try to write out a post. Something to get me back in the mood, in the mind set of blogging. And each night, I am stunted. I can't seem to come up with anything and I don't know why.
This is my brain on life.
Actually, I think it's because I'm being pulled so thinly. I think my brain is washed out. I'm struggling finishing this train of thought, even. This is why I'm taking a break. I just hope I can pull out of it. I have some good ideas, but I don't have the patience or down time to explore them. I don't remember the last time I was creative or woke up without an alarm.
Maybe because I had family visiting, maybe because work is hectic. Something is pulling me apart on the inside. I just hope I can button it all back up.
I'll be back, I'm sure :)

Monday, October 22, 2012

More Time.

I took a few days away from blogging to refresh and recharge but it hasn't happened yet. I seem to have dug myself into a thicker mess of thinking, reflecting and recharging. 

After my grandma left yesterday, I got sad. Not just sad because I miss her, but because I'm still coming to terms with where my life is going. I'm having a hard time letting go of Oregon, of my past and moving forward.

On those notes, I'm taking a break until November. I think two weeks of less-demand of my brain may help light a path. I have some posts in the works, including a new series, but I just need more time. 

I may occasionally pop in with a cute photo or funny story but don't expect regular appearances. I'm just too emotional right now to post anything except self exploration posts. And those I'll save for my journal.

See you in a few weeks!

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Taking a break.

I hope everyone is having a great week! I can't believe it's already Wednesday AND it's my Friday! My grandma is coming for a visit tomorrow and I am SO EXCITED! It's going to be nice to see her :) 

On that note, I'm going to be checking out until next week. I keep trying to write a blog post but nothing comes out. I think I need to stock up on more material, get inspired and actually have something to share. 

I think it's time for a mental break :)

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

My Bucket List.

I just felt the need to share, as my friend just brought to my attention, that I'd crossed off two Bucket List items without even knowing it!

29. Be able to cook a meal without asking questions or having to look at a recipe. (As of a few weeks ago)

39. Run 1 mile without stopping. (As of this morning!)

Pretty happy about this :)


My obsession with the gym started my senior year of college. My boyfriend at the time made me feel really self conscious (whether he did it on purpose I'm still trying to figure out) and he wanted to join a gym. So I joined too. Then I was hooked. I can't decide if I got hooked to the exercise part or the potential to lose weight part.

I've had personal body image issues pretty much my whole life. I don't think it helped that I was always the tallest, either. Once I started feeling the benefits of working out, I couldn't stop. When I moved back to Portland from college, I started working out more. And it helped that my best friend worked out with me.

While I worked out frequently, like every day, I never really tried running. I always opted for the elliptical or other such machines. After I lost 20 lbs in a weight loss competition last year and tasted what it was like to be my best self and finally in a 'healthy' weight class for my height, I've wanted to get back there so badly. 

We are Runners.
It was easy getting down to 150 last year. At the time, I was working two jobs, both of which was also a social outlet because I worked with all my friends and my boss was my best friend was pretty awesome for a while. My boyfriend also lived in Ohio at the time so I didn't have a distraction in the world. My day was usually going to work, going to the gym, tanning and bed. It was easy to regulate my food intake like crazy, and there were even days I didn't eat or ate celery because I was going to win this challenge darn it! (I came in second...I swear the guy who won cheated....) 

So all those factors made it easy to put in the time and lose the weight. But now, it's much harder. When we moved to Toronto, I hit a record 181 lbs. I was literally like 'what the fuck am I doing?' (apologies for the swearing but I wanted you to get the effect). Last week, two days after Canadian Thanksgiving, I weighed myself again. I am down to 174 lbs! 

While it's still more then I'd like to be, it's a start! I've changed up my work out routine lately, and I think I can thank that change for my recent boost. I've started running. It started two weeks ago when I did a steady job for about 10 minutes. That's huge for me! It's gone up a bit since then and this morning I ran a whole mile at a quick pace in 10 minutes! Then I ran an exta half mile for kicks!

My goal for this working out and life altering: I want to be between 160 and 170 by Christmas. I know it's a broad range, but I'm trying to be realistic. I am determined to get to a certain size by June next year, but I'm also determined to do it in a healthy way in which I can maintain that size.

If you run or work out a lot, what tips do you have for my new routine? Do runner prefer to run inside on a Tredmill or outside?

Monday, October 15, 2012

The Subway Diaries: Window Souls.

I can't help but stare out the window this morning. The dark of the tunnels seeps through the dusty windows. It's always one time of day in the subway. We're trapped in this consistent state of night. Of dark. The only day time approaches with each station's lights. Florescent and glaring. Fake, like the dark.

Between Bloor and Rosedale we come above ground. The actual day lights is almost painful to experience, it's harsh compared to the dark I'm used to. It's more of a clear light, in comparison to the yellowish hue from the subway. Subway daytime is such an unflattering light, for anyone, casting depressing shadows down upon people.

I look at people through the reflection in the dark windows. It's easy to get lost in their window souls. Your eyes shift between staring into their lives reflected onto glass adn staring at your own reflection. When we burst from the dark tunnels under the city to forced daytime, the window souls vanish.

I wonder it that's how our lives seem to those around us. One moment we're there. Next we're gone. Just a strange shadow reflected in the window. 

Saturday, October 13, 2012

Saturday Drink: St. Germaine

Happy Saturday, everyone! I'm glad we made it!
Today I have a great drink for you. It's something I first tried when Jake and I went to a 20's Jazz Lawn Party on Governor's Island in New York City back in June. It was through Thrillist, which is a phenomenal site if you live in New York or LA and some other big cities.
The party was sponsored by St Germaine, so all the cocktails (and let me mention that it was an open bar...and tickets were $45...jusssss sayin) were made in some way with St Germaine. And now it's my favorite liqueur.
Two cocktails were offered, the St Germaine Kir Blanc and the Sangria Flora.
St Germaine Kir Blanc: 1 part St Germaine, top with Sauvignon Blanc

How simple is that?! The bartenders added a strawberry garnish on the glass for colour and presentation. It was yummy!
Sangria Flora: (By far, one of my new favorite summer drinks) 1 bottle Sauvignon Blanc or dry white wine, 1 cup St Germaine, 2 peaches, 5-6 strawberries, 6 raspberries, 1 bunch grapes.
Delicious, right?? I've made this, but added my own twist to it. I didn't make a large amount but I made it individual in glasses, but I found it tastes great either way!
What I did: Put your fresh fruit in the bottom of a glass (I honestly don't think it matters what fruit you use, as long as it's fresh and fruit that you like). Muddle the fruit a bit, to get the juices out. Add ice and pour white wine over the ice, as much as you see fit. Add St Germaine, about a 2 count or to taste. I added a splash of soda water to add bubbles and some mint leaves on top.
Oh my GOD it's heaven. After I tried this cocktail, I went on a huge sangria bender.
Sadly, I do not have a picture of the drink I had, I think I deleted it (which is weird because I never delete pictures of my food or drinks!)
Do you have a favorite Sangria recipe?

Friday, October 12, 2012

Finding Balance.

When did living become something other then doing what you need to to survive, and enjoying the rest of your time. When did it become about money, jobs and 'doing something' with your life? I'm being totally serious, too!

I'm sitting here, Wednesday afternoon, when I should be at my internship (if anyone from the office is reading this, I'm having a moment of profound creativity and I'm rolling with often does something creative actually happen naturally anyway?) and I'm worrying. I'm worrying that someone is going to be mad at me for being late, I'm worried that I'm not going to get my interview done with enough time to finish the article today. I seem to just have this deep pit of worry that I'm doing something wrong, but do I actually have something to worry about?

Then there's this other side of me, the side that gets pushed down until Saturday afternoon, when work is all done for the week and it's time to be free. This side of me wants to explore my new city (I say new yet I've been here for three months already and have explored about 1/16 of the city), explore the parts I've been too busy and broke to do. I want to get a chai latte and sit in a cafe, listening to the chatter around me and take in all the delicious smells. I want to find a park and collect turning leaves. I want to just walk, with no destination and no rush, jsut walk. But there isn't time for this. I have to work.

So I'm caught in this strange place. Somewhere between wanting to 'do something' with my life and wanting to just be in my life. Three weeks has passed and I don't even remember what the weather was like. It's so just like me to go from almost never working and being 'bored' to working so much I don't have time to look outside. 

I just don't know how to balance working and being alive. I have yet to encounter a culture where there is an equal balance. Maybe a culture like that doesn't exist in North America. maybe I need to travel somewhere in Europe or South America or Australia, where they value down time as highly as they do work time. 

I want to work to live, not live to work. And at this rate, I feel like I'm just...working. Working and not living. Not that I'm complaining, I'm very lucky to have my internship and my job, I just can't wait for the time in my life where I'm completely satisfied, doing something I love and enjoying my time. I'm taking steps towards that, with this internship I'm learning a lot about journalism, blogging and what it takes to run a magazine. I'm learning a lot about my writing style and my writing personality. I'm also learning a lot about my life choices, where I want my life to go. So don't get me wrong, I'm certainly learning. 

I'm just looking forward to knowing. Knowing what I'm good at, knowing what I can achieve. Knowing where I can draw the lines and where I have to accept any and all invitations. Knowing where my life is headed. I'm getting there, however. I just hope I find the balance. 

Thursday, October 11, 2012

Profound Thoughts.

I have this unsettling feeling that this isn't going to be enough. I spend most of my moments dreaming of what's to come. While I'm content with where I am, I'm not content on what's to come.
What is to come? I don't know yet. Well then how can you not be content with something you don't know yet? Because I should plan something, shouldn't I?
I have this unsettling feeling that this isn't going to be enough, that I'm going to want more. But then, why is that an unsettling feeling? Shouldn't it be a good feeling to want more? Maybe it's only a good feeling when you can obtain more. But I can obtain more. I have to push for more, I guess.
I have recently connected with someone from the far corners of my past. We were never close friends, or really friends at all. It was a fellow classmate that spent four years in the same institution (high school) as I did. I hope I don't offend but let's be honest, I don't even remember if we talked much.
Beside the point.
I've suddenly immersed myself in her story. It's really interesting, what happens after you forget your story for a while and listen to someone else's. It feels like someone reset my brain and gave me new aspirations.
It's interesting to me to find someone who is a lot like me. Who I can relate to, even in a small way. It's even more interesting when I find someone like that who has been in my past and, back then, wasn't a part of my present. It's funny how people like that come from the woodwork every so often.
I hope this new found fire that's smouldering inside me will grow. I so badly want the child inside me to prosper. Children have profound hopes, thoughts and dreams. I want my redirected profound thoughts to be reapplied to my new found independence. I want to see where my inner child can take me.

Weekly Weigh In: Change Your Life, In 5 Mins.

First I'd like to say that this week has completely blown my mind. It passed so quickly, right?! It's Thursday?! Where did Wednesday go? *Phew*
This week, I spent a lot of time on Reddit. It's a site that I've been trying to get into because I feel it's where you can find the most interesting articles. I'm still new to Reddit and sometimes don't understand how to fully use it, but I came across this discussion and thought it'd be cool t share with you lovely people.

What is something that takes under 5 minutes that I could do every single day, and my life would be significantly better for it?
1. Cleaning: One reader suggested cleaning for 5 minutes every day. This would promote a hosue that is almost always clean, without the stress and drama of waiting till the last minute before having people over or falling behind.
I think this is a great idea that people should do anyway. I know I feel much more relaxed when I have a clean apartment. Everything in it's place makes me feel good. But a good point is brought up: Whie a clean house is a good thing, in the end, all you have is a clean house. How does that significantly alter your life?

How cute is he??
2. Push Ups: Multiple people got sidetracked on watching videos and sharing workout tips but the point was that if you do 5 minutes of push ups each night before bed, you'll significantly change your appearance. This may be true, but how many people can actually do push ups for 5 mintues? I can barely do one push up...not one minute of push ups, but just one, singluar push up.
3. Word of the Day Calender: Spend 5 minutes each day studying a different word to expand your vocabulary.
I think this is a cool idea! I think we all need some new words every now and then. My only problem is that I can never remember what yesterday's work was! Maybe if I spent 5 minutes on it, I would remember. Hmm...
4. Do Kegels: If you don't know what a Kegel is...look it up, I'm not explaining it to you. I guess if you're a man you can do them too?
I honestly, after I finish giggling, think this is a great idea!!! An imporved sex life can siginificantly alter anyone life! You could also say that you're giving back to the community...
5. Reflect: Spend 5 minutse a day reflecting, on either your life or your day or your week, whichever chunk of time you decide. Save your thoughts in a journal, Google Doc or scap papers in a box. Years down the line, you can look back to remember the little things you'd forgotten.
I friggin love this idea. I think I need to journal more. I used to be so good at it! I guess you could say this blog is a form of journaling, but I don't post all of my feeligns in here by any means. I think personally, this would be a great way for me to keep up on my writing and my journaling.
6. Read Out Loud: Practicing reading outloud sounds silly, but there are many people who have a problem reading outloud. And I am one of them. I'm a crazy fast reader in my brain but I stammer sometiems when I read outloud. And I can't read numbers to save my LIFE.
All of these are great ideas for something to do each day for 5 minutes. I would probably add spend 5 minutes reading the news, because you can never be too informed! I would also add spending 5 minutes to wildly dance, mainly because it makes me smile and gets a lot of stress off my sholders.
Do you have any suggestions? What are you thoughts?

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Last 7 Questions!

Note: This will be my last 7 Questions post! New ideas are a-brewin. See below for explaination!
A big THANK YOU to Gentri Lee for making all these 7 Question posts possible!

Jake and I last year on Halloween. It snowed!!

1. Do you believe in ghosts?
You bet I do! I'm a spiratual person, not so much religious, but I def think there are some tortured souls in the world...of the ghost variety...I also believe in aliens.

2. Do you prefer the cute or the scary Halloween?
In reference to Halloween movies, I prefer scary. Cute Halloween movies are just silly ;)
I reference to Halloween costumes, I would probably say...neither? I love Halloween but I have such a hard tiem dressing up in the stereotypical girl wear (coughcough skanky coughcough) so Halloween is hard for me.
3. How old were you when you stopped trick or treating?
Honestly, I only went Trick or Treating a couple times as a kid, that I can remember. I think I stopped in middle school. Is that a normal time?

4. Do you have any fun Halloween traditions?
I love, LOVE carving pumpkins. I also love Halloween baking. I think my favorite tradition would be watching scary movies or going somewhere festive, like a pumpkin patch. However, I am not a fan of haunted things....I like being scared in my living room, not in haunted houses, corn mazes or pumpkin patches.

5. Share a scary local urban legend.
Okay this isn't a local urban legend to where I am right now (Toronto) but this is a ghost story that I personally experienced when I was a teenage:
I did a lot fo community theater in Canby, OR, which is a small farming town a few miles south of my hometown. The summer group always grew close and we'd have regular sleep overs at a particular house way out in the country (I'm talking WAY OUT). It was always fun, candy, movies, trampolining, staying up late, etc. And the house was so old, the mom told stories of ghost sighting. No joke, guys.
One particular sleep over, I was sleeping with about 7 other people in the living room, while other people were sleeping in various bedrooms and den's. I distinctly remember waking up at one point in the night hearing a woman singing. It wasn't too loud, I couldn't make out words, but there was absolutely a voice coming down the stairs. I remember pluggin my ears and willing myseld back to sleep because I was scared. The next morning, I asked literally everyone if they'd heard it too or if anyone was singing or had a TV on in the night. One person said they heard singing too but thought it was a TV but nobody had left the TV on. I was SO CREEPED OUT. To this day. I had some creepy experiences in that house...

6. Would you rather be haunted or haunting?
After soem great thought, I think I'd rather be haunted because I 'd want to be able to help the ghost settle whatever it is that they have to settle. While, haunting would mean that I was a lost soul that couldn't rest. But I'm not denying that haunted wouldn't be crazy scary.

7. What's your favorite Halloween character/ creature? (dracula, witch, ghost, etc)
Ghosts. By far. Ghosts and anything old. I love it. Witches are cool too.
Okay you guys, this is my last 7 Questions. The blog that I get these from (Gentri Lee) feels as though her blog is growing in a different direction and I support her! So in that case, I think I'm going to take my blog in a different direction as well. It may be a few weeks for me to get my idea off the ground, but it should be fun! I'll keep you posted. Meanwhile, I'll fill Wednesday's with awesome, random I usually do.
Thanks for following 7 Question Wednesdays!

Monday, October 8, 2012

Canadian Thanksgiving.

Today is Thanksgiving here in Toronto. It's weird to be cooking a turkey before Halloween. It's also weird to be thinking about Christmas before Halloween (I usually decorate for Christmas after Thanksgiving, but not this year!) But this year, I am thankful for a lot. 

This year has been a roller coaster, I think almost more so than last year. Well, maybe a different roller coaster.

First, I am thankful for Jacob. I'm thankful that he's stubborn and didn't give up on me before we started dating. I'm thankful that he believes in me almost more then I believe in myself. I'm thankful that he supports me, in all sense of the word. And I'm thankful to be spending another year with such a great guy.

Second, I'm thankful for my family, despite the distance and only seeing them once a year, they are always there for me. I'm thankful that I get to visit home again and that they are as excited as me! I'm thankful for the person they have helped me become.

Third, I am thankful for finally having a job. It was really stressful there for a moment but I am feeling a lot better about my situation. I'm taking steps towards my career, finally.

I need to remember how good I have it. I have a loving boyfriend, a loving family and a nice home. I'm not starving or poor or lonely. Each day we should be thankful for what we have. I know I am.

Happy Canadian Thanksgiving! Now I'm off to put a giant turkey in the oven for 10 people. I love it!

Friday, October 5, 2012

This is How I Feel Currently.

Something Sexy.

Ladies, how many of you would work out if you got to watch this?
Because I can assure you, I would.

Seeking Friends.

Over the past few months, I've read some posts about making friends. As a person who moves a lot, I've found I have to make new friends frequently...and I also find it difficult to meet people and make friendly connections when not in a class environment or service inductry career. Another negative contributing factor to my friend-making equasion? I am in a relationship.
dun, dun, DUN!
And I guess once you're in a relationship, the only person you seem to be romotely fun, exciting or entertaining to is your significant other.
And I'm having a hard time with this.
So after a little over a year of failed attempts, hopes given up and these weird friend making websites that closely resemble dating websites, I decided to take a little inspiration from the blog posts I've been reading and find out just how to make friends when you're in a couple.
To my dismay, the only articles, blog posts and help forums I can find are for married couples, people over 30 or divorced women. None of which apply to me. Bummer.
I'm 24, I'm fun (I really am, I'm not saying that like how your mom says you're talented and we all know she's just saying that casue she's yo mama...ya know? And sorry mom, I know you really do think I'm talented ;) ), I love trying new things, meeting new people and being social. I really like being social. I like everything that Jane Smith over there likes, but I'm in a relationship. This must mean I have a "lame" sticker stuck to my back that I'm unaware of.
I think the problem is my age range. Your 20's is the time between being a carefree, experimental teenager and being of age when you try to find someone to settle down with. So where does that put me? Right between 24 and old, married lady. Most of the girls I meet are single and either looking for a boyfriend or enjoying her time to mix and mingle. Weekend agendas could consist of nightly bar prowling to find cute guys, and I guess carting around a girl in a relationship is bad ju-ju.
 Another negative aspect about my age range is career development. I am now out of college and giving up my carefree, pre-adult life in the service industry and buckling down to develop my career. I've encountered a lot of girls my age that aren't there yet or aren't ready to make career moves. So not only am I single-dude repellant at the bar, but I'm an old lady because I've been working all week and I don't feel like bar crawling till the wee hours of the morning. I have to work in tomorrow!
This is how I feel.
So here is my equasion:
Me + boyfriend (Jake) + moving a lot - being in school + attemptive career development - ample free time + awkward 20-something somewhere-between-single-and-married stage = literally no chance in hell I'm making friends.
So I've decided that I have two options:
1. Give up some of my 'together' time with Jake and play single (obvio not like seek other guys, but drop the 'we' talk, the comfy jeans and flats for 'I,' fitted jeans and those heels I've shoved in the closet somewhere) and spend a few weekends absorbing new girlfriends as the kind of person they need to see me as to be my friend. Then I'll let them in on the secret, shh!
2. Suck it up and find a couple friends. We've all seen the episode of How I Met Your Mother when Lilly and Marshall are looking for a couple to hang out with (and if you haven't seen it, GO WATCH IT IT'S HILARIOUS WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?!) But why does that sound so lame?
When I think of making couple friends to hang out with, I imagine Scrabble, knitting and early to bed. Is there a way to meet other couples that are like me and Jake?
Do you have any tips for me as I try to make new friends?

Thursday, October 4, 2012

Weekly Weigh In: Is wheat bad for you?

This week, an interesting article was brought to my attention about something I consume on the daily: wheat. 

[I want to note that I'm not going to talk about gluten-free diets or celiac disease. This is something new.]

Dr. Williams Davis is a cardiologist and author of the blog and the book Wheat Belly. We usually see whole wheat and we think "great this is good for us!" but according to Dr. Williams, it's not. He says that there is a new protein called glaidin. 
Now what the heck is a gliadin? I don't know about you guys, but when someone launches into the scientific side of food, I kind of tune out. But, for the sake of this blog post and my health (as I'm trying to lose and maintain a desired weight...and my diet consists of a lot of grains), I thought I'd give it a shot.
I spent a few minute looking up gliadin on Wiki and reading some other articles from Dr. Williams on his blog. I have gathered that gliadins have similar properties as opiates and can cause appitite increase. I think this is slightly alarming because so much of our diets include wheat. If Dr. Williams is onto something, I wonder what our society could do about it.
In the interview/article, Dr. Williams points out that not all wheat is 'bad' for you. He says "the wheat we eat these days isn't the wheat your grandma had." The wheat we see now in our breads, cereals and pastas is a wheat that was made during the 60's and 70's, and if I'm correct, it's a GMO wheat. Alarming, no?

Don't you think we could adjust our wheat crops to be more like the good, ol'fashion stuff? We could, says Dr. Williams, but it's not really that feisable. 'Real' wheat, as I'm going to call it, yeilds less per acre then the other stuff. So we can all see the problems in this.
So here are my questions: does this link up with all the other conerns rising now-a-days with GMO's, Monsanto seed, fertilizer, chemicals, etc? It would make sense, wouldn't it?
To me, it seems like we've made this wheat, something that grows fast and yeilds a good size crop. It looked great at first, but eventually the health effects start showing their face. Maybe that's why there has been an increasing number of gluten diets and compagns against wheat. Maybe it wasn't just a fad after all.
I've been toying with the idea of trying a gluten free diet, just because I know gluten problems run in my family and I've noticed over the past couple years that I feel strange after eating but have yet to whittle down to what it is. I guess the hard part would be to ween myself off bread...and pasta...and tortillas...and cereal...and cake...and flour...oh my goodness, that sounds hard!
But maybe it's worth it. This is def worth some more investigation!
What are your thoughts on gliadins and the 'new' wheat?
Have you tried gluten free before? What results did you see?
Have you heard of this problem before?

Wednesday, October 3, 2012

7 Questions: #14

It's 7 questions time! Check out Gentri Lee for her answers and link up!
Over the weekend, Jake wore a silly I mocked him...
with some glasses we found on the sidewalk ahah

1. Who is your celebrity doppelganger?
I've gotten the same three celebrity look-a-likes my entire life. And they are flattering, I think. I always get Anne Hathaway, which I LOVE. Especially when I cut my bangs for the first time. I also get Jennifer Connelly and Molly Shannon, which I love.

2. What's the farthest you've ever been from home?

To live or to visit? I've been to England before, which I guess would technically be the furthest but I live currently in Toronto, Ontario in Canada. So that'd def be the furthest I've ever lived before.

3. Fill in the blank: Fall ______. Sweaters...?

4. Would you rather have arms so long they touched the ground or feet the same length as your legs? to answer.....this ques...tion....I have been asked to amend my answer to this question and I think I came up with a good solution! I would have arms that touched the ground, cause then at least I could cross them and they wouldn't look so strange!

5. What is the first thing you do in the morning?

Put the coffee on. Then I brush my teeth. but

6. Apple Cider or Hot Chocolate?

Hot chocolate. I'm not a huge fan of hot apples...I don't like apple pie either..I know, I know I fail as an American....

7. Would you rather start your life over (baby) or jump to the end of it (old-->death)?

Neither! I want to LIVE it day to day!! Haha!!! I honestly, however, can't wait till I'm old and I can look back at my life and remember all the amazing adventures I've had. 

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Same Forever.

(Image: Glyn Lowe Photoworks)
I have this favorite moment of the day. Well, actually it'd be two favorite moments of the day. From my eleventh floor apartment window, we look out on a office building. It's about 5 floors taller then my window so it's literally all that can be seen. I don't mind, honestly, it provides this strange sort of privacy from the world. 

Each morning, as I am getting up much before the stroke of 6, I sit at the table or on the couch or perch on the bed and at exactly 6am, the lights come on. Floor by floor, flashing on. Like 16 or so floors of eyes, all waking up at the same time. The light is so bright, in it's collective glory, that it casts a fake sunlight into my apartment. That's when I know it's truly time to start my day.

Coincidentally, every night the lights must turn off, the eyes must close and the building must get it's rest. At 10 pm every night, the light will shut off. Floor by floor, row by row. The eyes close, signaling that it's time for bed. It's as though the world has turned off the sun, as the darkness ascends on my apartment without my neighboring false sun.   

Those are my favorite times in the day. There's something about knowing there will always come a 6 o'clock and a 10 o'clock. That there will always be a place in the world that there is a routine. That there is a place in the world that will be the same forever.  

Monday, October 1, 2012

The Subway Diaries: Kindness.

Today is a day of thought and remembrance. I've been deep in my brain thinking about my family, my boyfriend, my friends and my life. And human nature.

Every afternoon for the past 7 days, I've been claiming the York Mills subway station as my own. There's an older gentleman playing his guitar. He plays soft songs, filling the echoy tunnel with notes and hums. I've really enjoyed listening to it. It always seems to put me in a state of calm for my hour subway ride.

Today, I watched the young Asian boy walking ahead of me empty his change into the guitar case amongst a few dollar coins and quarters. He said "it's not much," with a shrug. I was blown away by this. In these moments, these small moments where one human is kind to another. There are the moments where I think there is hope for the world.