Tuesday, September 30, 2014

March 30

The last time I wrote anything was March 30th. Since then, a lot has happened and a lot has changed in my life. I took a really long hiatus from blogging and from truly feeling like myself. Recently, I had the opportunity to get outta town, get outta my head and remember who I am. 

I've spent a lot of time over the past few years trying to fit in places where I sometimes really just don't. I've altered myself and modified myself. But recently some things have suddenly clicked and things have fallen back into place. 

With that, I've made the tough decision to leave From Freya, With Love and explore something new. I've spent a good 3 or 4 years developing this site and I'm quite proud of what it once was. I would like to send you over to my new page, something more centered towards expressing my true feelings and thoughts. 

I introduce to you...

Sunday, March 30, 2014


I'm really loving Spring so far. It's been decently nice this weekend and that's resulted in some hiking with friends and the windows open in the car. The breeze feels like it's blowing away the stale Winter and bringing in the change that I need.

Over the past few weeks I've lost a bit of weight. I've been seriously busy so updated the gym blog has pretty much halted but I'm going to make an effort to keep it up. Overall, I'm frustrated and stuck in the 197-199lbs stage. I'm desperately trying to make it under 190 by the end of April so I guess we'll see! Here some hardcore double work outs with maxed cardio. I'm about to be really tired. 

With the changing season comes back my hope; the hope that I'm getting the fuck out of Arkansas in the next 6 months. 

Don't get me totally wrong, Arkansas has been fun, but it stopped being new and exciting back in September I think. You run out of new things to try and see and do really fast here. I don't mean to offend anyone, but I'm ready to move on. At the end of September, Jake will receive his new mostly-permanent position in Unilever and with that comes a new move. 

Here are some things I'm looking forward to in the coming months:

When we got caught in a summer mini-hurricane in DC.
1. My BFF's Bachelorette Party in Atlantic City: Lizzie and Scott get married this August (finally) and we're having a blow out in Atlantic City. I'm pretty pumped but can't really say much about it in case the bitch reads this blog. I'm just really excited to be somewhere more metropolitan than here for a weekend.

2. My BFF's wedding in Columbus: Talk about a large fucking party. This is going to be off the chain. I'm really excited not only to see two of my favorite people get hitched but also to party like a fucking rock star while dressed like a celebrity. I love being pretty and getting shitty. CBus or Bust.

Vegas the year I lost a lot of weight. I want this. 
3. Working on my weight: I have 4 weeks left in this weight loss challenge I'm in. I haven't hit it as hard as I thought I would, which reminds me that once you put on the weight, it's really fucking hard to take it off. So far I'm down 17-20 lbs but I'm looking for an extra 20 or so before August. I think I have time but I'm really going to step up my game this month. Any work out tips you guys got, I'll take!

One of my favorite places in the world: NYC. 
4. Fall: I'm looking forward to fall because that's when we move. This move is exciting because it will be our last for a while. I'm looking forward to settling in somewhere and starting to develop a career for myself. No more new jobs every year! No more moving mid summer! And there are two added bonuses: I get to *fingers crossed* live in the NYC area and I get to live closer to my friends then I have in years!

All in all I think I have a pretty good couple months coming up. I think I just need to keep my eye on the prize and remember a few things:
1. It'll all be over soon.
2. That cupcake will not taste better then size 10 jeans will feel.
3. I get to see my friends very soon and have the time of my life.

Spring, you're a welcomed change. 

Thursday, February 27, 2014

Bright Sun Shiny Day

This week has been pretty good. I've been so busy, though. Between working 8 hours a day, I've been hitting the gym a lot and spending some much needed fun time with my babe. And for the first time in a long, long time, I don't feel like I'm being shrouded by a dark blanket. 

On Tuesday, I saw a doctor for the first time in like literally years. I've been having some persistent problems with anger and depressed feelings. So I decided it's time to take charge and figure out what I need to do to start to feel better. After my nerves subsided, I met me new doctor, Marc Johnson, and I instantly felt a thousand times better.

We talked about a lot of things, and in the end, he's really made moves to help me feel better. I have a referral to a therapist, someone who can help me figure out my anxieties about my life and where I am now, and has started me on some antidepressants. 

Let me interject by saying that I wasn't a fan of getting on medications. I've always felt like it was a cope out, or that I would be giving up by seeking this kind of help. I have been on them in the past and I have seen therapists in the past, but nothing has stuck. Dr. Johnson has helped me see that I am fine, I just need some help through this difficult period in my life.

So I have started taking my medication and I honestly couldn't tell you if it's working or if I'm just feeling the release of having that weight gone, but I feel like I'm already seeing improvements! The things I battled with the most were irritability, anger (more like rage sometimes), immobilizing sadness and lack of interest in the things I love to do (ahem, like write on my blog...) and I feel like I'm already taking back what was mine!

Sure, things have happened that have triggered my temper, like I can physically feel it. I get hot and my heart races. Over the past few year, that temper would flare at the drop of a hat...literally...something that I often got into a rage over was dropping things. But for the past few days, I can feel it get triggered, but I have a much easier time letting it go. This is so, so amazing for me. I feel so much better already. 

I've noticed that I have generally more energy. You'd think I have a ton of energy simply because I work out a lot and I drink Bulletproof Coffee, but honestly it was so hard to keep moving. Most days after work, I just wanted to curl into a ball and sleep. 

Anyway, I won't go into the whole deal because it would really be boring for someone who isn't me or Jake, but also because it's a private matter. I just wanted to share that I feel like the 3 year winter is over! I'm feeling emotionally happier, I'm getting fit and losing weight and I've actually looking forward to things again!

I feel like I just got me back.

And I feel like I was just in a prescription commercial!

Here are some pictures from my week so far! 

Breakfast: 2 turkey sausage patties, 2 poached eggs and some salsa
I ordered this amazing stamp for myself...I love it so!
Check out The Plaid Barn if you like this!
Chipotle Lime Shrimp at dinner on Monday, so good!

My little lettuce friend! I love him so much! Serves no purpose...
besides being ADORABLE!

Celebrating National Margarita Day last Saturday

Sunday, February 23, 2014

Oscar Glory

I don't know why, but I really love watching the Oscars. 

When I was a kid, we used to watch all the award shows. We would make something special dinner and usually a cake for dessert. We would all watch together, commenting on the dresses and actors. As a kid, I never knew anything about the actors or really cared about the fashion, it was just a really good time!

In the past few years, I've gotten back into award season. I think it's cool when people get recognition for their hard work (I know what you're thinking "they get paid millions of dollars and are famous, what more could they want?" I just love it anyway). This year, I'm making effort to watch all the films nominated for Best Picture, Actor/Actress and Supporting Actor/Actress. If you are unfamiliar with the nominations, they are as follows:

Best Picture
American Hustle
Captain Phillips
Dallas Buyers Club
12 Years a Slave
The Wolf of Wall Street

Best Actor in a Leading Role
Christian Bale (American Hustle)
Bruce Dem (Nebraska)
Leonardo DiCaprio (The Wolf of Wall Street)
Chiwetel Ejiofor (12 Years a Slave)
Matthew McConaughey (Dallas Buyers Club)

Best Actress in a Leading Role
Amy Adams (American Hustle)
Cate Blanchett (Blue Jasmine)
Sandra Bullock (Gravity)
Judi Dench (Philomena)
Meryl Streep (August: Osage Country)

Best Actor in a Supporting Role
Barkhad Abdi (Captain Phillips)
Bradley Cooper (American Hustle)
Michael Fassbender (12 Years a Slave)
Jonah Hill (The Wolf of Wall Street)
Jared Leto (Dallas Buyers Club)

Best Actress in a Supporting Role
Sally Hawkins (Blue Jasmine)
Jennifer Lawrence (American Hustle)
Lupita Nyong'o (12 Years a Slave)
Julia Roberts (August: Osage Country)
June Squibb (Nebraska


I have currently seen 5 our of the 9 Best Picture nominees and have yet to see Blue Jasmine or August: Osage Country. From what I've seen, here are my thoughts (in short):

While I was really pumped for this movie, I was a little let down. The hype it received didn't live up to the finished product. Don't get me wrong, it was a good, entertaining movie. But I don't see it as the Best Picture of the year. It was a great period piece with costumes that were amazing. The music was good and the story line was fun, but again, nothing that I think could stand never to 12 Years a Slave (even though I have yet to watch that one, I just feel like it's going to be intense). 

Overall, I enjoyed it! But I don't think it's Best Picture worthy.

I just watched this today so it's really fresh in my emotional mind. I will straight up say that the last 10 minutes I just cried. It was such a super charged emotional movie that it was hard not to! The movie didn't leave much for down time, which I liked. I find that some high intensity, emotionally stressful movies put in too much down time. I liked that I didn't see all the best parts in the previews, the second half of the film I didn't even know was going to happen. It was an interesting, suspenseful and upsetting film that I really did enjoy. But again, I'm not sure I would pick it as the Best Picture of the year.

I loved this movie so much. I have always held a deep interest or fascination in the HIV/AIDS epidemic not only of the 1980's but also of the present. I think the story is so culturally important and interesting that it's hard not wish this film well. It's truly the underdog film of the year, I think. The story brings you close to the characters and gives you an inside look at, what is in my opinion, the scariest diseases the world faces. I don't what else to say about it, but if it doesn't win Best Picture (and I'm not saying that I want it to), it will always be one of my favorite movies.

Check back later this week for 3 more reviews and then again on Sunday when I cast my ballot!
Did you see any of these three films? What did you think?

Bulletproof Coffee

My mind is literally fucking losing it's shit right now. 

I am currently as I type drinking my first cup of Bulletproof Coffee. For those who don't know what it is, I won't be it justice, you need to Google that shit. BUT basically, it's French Press brewed coffee from special, clean beans, blended with coconut oil and grass-fed butter, or Ghee. 

This is literally the best cup of coffee I have ever had.
Especially one made at home.
I don't think I'll ever NOT drink it.

Supposedly, it's like crack, according to my boyfriend, and gives you hours of energy. He made his first cup yesterday before pulling a 13 hour work day at the office. When he picked me up after work, I thought he would never stop fucking talking, he was so peppy. So I was a little convinced that I needed to try it. 

So, as of right now, I'm pretty much hooked. Good bye 32 creamers in my burnt Folgers coffee to mask the flavor of gross. Good bye 4 cups of normal coffee before noon to keep my eyelids up. Good bye afternoon crash (I hope). 

I am so jumping on this bandwagon. 


Ghee and Coconut Oil

Look how creamy it is!

Butter in coffee? I think so!

Tuesday, February 18, 2014

Letter to Today

Dear Today...

You felt like Monday. You were busy and long and, besides being one of the first gorgeous days in a long time, you were cold. And while it's kinda starting to get late and I'm still up, I'm glad you're almost over.

But let's be real, Tuesday. You're a step towards the weekend and that's okay with me! Today I was thinking about myself and how I could make more progress on my weight loss challenge and my thoughts strayed to how I could improve myself in general. And that's when I thought something...I've changed a lot this year. I've become more outspoken and opinionated and loud. I've become a little more rude and judgmental, drawing conclusions about people and situations before I know any details or points of view. While I think it's a product of my job, I decided today that I don't want it to affect me anymore.

When I embarked on this adventure, I was teased a lot because I was nice. It made me feel kind of horrible about myself, but I liked being nice to people. When I moved to Canada it was awesome because everyone was nice, like me! I felt like I could be myself without judgement. Unfortunately, my job requires me to be a little more harsh with people, and that's fine, it's taught me a lot about how to have a back bone, but I want to be nice again. 

So starting tomorrow, I will hold my tongue and try a little harder to swallow the snappy things I would have said and remember that I used to be nice once. In full disclosure, it's not anyone else's fault that I started being like this. I've enjoyed learning how to have a back bone, at least. I just feel like I've learned something about myself today and I'm happy about it.

I think the next step will be to maybe find the balance between back-bone-having-bitchy-Freya and likes-everyone-and-isn't-mean-Freya. 

If anyone has suggestions, please feel free...

Sunday, February 9, 2014

Getting Into The Spirit

Guys, Valentine's Day is coming....

...I think about this and imagine a Godzilla-sized, pink-and-red clad, heart shaped candy-wielding monster coming to get me and publicly force me to prove my love for Jake. But, I'm luckily dating one of the most creative and spontaneous guys literally around and he always comes up with some great ideas for Valentine's Day!

Note: I'm not bragging about my Valentine's experiences. In the past, I've usually loathed them, and I kind of do today. I'm just trying to share my unusual experiences to show you Valentine's doesn't have to be boring!

As a result of all the cool shit we get up to on our journey together, I've started keeping a box of souvenirs! This all ties together I promise. I thought it would be a cool idea to pull an item from the box and maybe share it's story. It just happens that the item I picked came from our Valentine's Day celebration last year!
When we Arrived

For Valentine's Day last year, Jake took me to a local winery in the Ontario countryside...Okay, this sounds super fancy already but it was February so that means that the countryside wasn't very visually appealing...unless you like an endless snow tundra...


We went to this delightful, small winery in Jordan, Ontario named Creekside Estate and stayed at
Cooper's Cottage
Inn on the Twenty. We spent the first night at a great local pub (I think literally the only other place besides the winery in town...I kid you not, this place was tiny), got drunk on cheap beer and played pool while a 3 man band played to the almost empty bar. The next day was full of sightseeing the area and exploring around us. We wound up in St. Catharines, which was pretty adorable; loads of little shops and restaurants, cute little places to go and be super Canadian. 

Unfortunately, it was literally freezing and we ran from place to place to keep warm. We decided to attend a movie playing at the local theater. And when I say theater, I mean like play theater not movie theater. Turns out the local theater goes unused in Shaw Festival off-season, so what better way to keep it in use than to show movies?! We saw Silver Linings Playbook that afternoon a midst the swarms of older patrons and middle aged couples. 

Before the show, there was a set up of wine and pastries, all raising money for local organizations and providing a fun atmosphere than a normal movie theater. We arrived slightly early, battling the cars to parking spots and rushing through the snow to find warmth inside. After downing a glass of wine each while watching the slowly drifting snow, we all shuffled into the theater and the movie began. 

There's something so amazing about that weekend. This ticket stub will hold a place in my heart for ages to come! I hope everyone has a pleasant Valentine's Day, and if not, then I hope you have a great time bashing the vile day with your close girlfriends and hopefully one of many bottles of wine!

And just remember that memories are greater than presents!

Sunday, January 12, 2014

Living in a fictitious world

I just went to see The Hunger Games: Catching Fire and I'm not too sure where my head is at right now. There's just something so perfect in seeing everything you imagined come to life. I was not disappointed, at all. 

Seeing a movie like that just made real the part of my life that I spend in fictitious places. When I read, I read 90% fiction. I find something so relaxing and compelling with reading fiction. Some people say it's not worth much because you're not learning. But I think they're wrong. There's so much to learn from fiction.

I believe that people who read for fun and read fiction have a greater developed range of emotions and are more capable of experiencing empathy and understanding others. I find it very easy to relate to people, to see many sides of a story and to adapt to different situations with ease. I'm not saying all of that comes from just reading, but I think it's helps.

But with an addiction to reading comes the inevitable down fall: the fact that you cannot spend all your time reading...work certainly gets in the way. I would love so badly for my career or my life to revolve around reading. Is there a job were you just read for a living? Were my childhood dreams of becoming a librarian really actually worth something? Or am I slated to be a closet fiction addict my whole life?

Needless to say, all I want to do right now is curl up in bed with my Kindle and new stack of Christmas books and read my hours away. But, alas, I must away to do some laundry and be practical for the work week is upon us.

Besides, I need to catch up on American Horror Story: Coven this afternoon!

Monday, January 6, 2014

100 Happy Days

Yesterday, while browsing my world ... er ... Facebook ... I saw a friend of mine talking about being happy. Further investigation showed me the 100 Happy Days challenge. This got me thinking about being happy...

Looking inward, with all the truth that a new year can bring, I know I am/can be a pretty negative person. I always jump to conclusions and find the little negative that I can. I don't know if it's just me or the society I was raised in, but sometimes (ok a lot of the time), it gets really fucking old. So when I saw this challenge, I thought it would help me to look at each day and instead of see the things that made me mad or irritated me at work, to see the little moment that made me smile.

My first moment of happiness documented was last night. Jake and I went to bed and put on a show on my Kindle. I really love snuggling down, especially in this frigid weather. I felt, in that moment, the happiest I had all day!

This moment is my happiest of the day: a mug of hot almond milk with nutmeg and honey to calm me down and some time to blog (which is something I haven't made time for but love to do). 

I spent most of the day looking for my little moment of happiness. I thought it was interesting how much this photo challenge has already made me more aware of being happy. At the end of it, it was a toss up between this photo and one I took this morning. After I had spent all yesterday weekend stressing out about starting work, I arrived today to a desk stacked with work that I had missed out on. Most people, I think, would arrive at such a scene and get overwhelmed. But I high-fived myself, congratulating me on all the work I have do to. If you know me ... you know how much I love being busy.

I'm looking forward to going through each day looking for the things that make me happy. I think that being more aware of it, it will be easier to be happy. 

Well played, 100 Happy Days, well played. 

PS Find me on Instagram :) I love new friends!

Sunday, January 5, 2014

Something New.

I just made this executive decision that I will start writing again. So I pull open my dusty lap top and try to remember my log in password and finally, finally, open this page. And I can't seem to think of anything to say. This is strange, considering I usually have something to say in any situation. 

So I guess I'll start where I left off.

I started the summer in the sweaty south: Fayetteville, Arkansas. When we moved here, after the mayhem and debauchery that was EDC in Las Vegas. I arrived thinking it was my summer that there was really everything in front of me and nothing would suck. 

[Note: I say "suck" for a reason. Not that Toronto sucked by any means, it was my favorite place I've lived so far. I say suck because I've had hard times adjusting to new places before and I think I anticipate it sucking.]

I really did show up in Fayetteville with a lot more positive energy then I have had in the past. It was nice that we knew some people and that helped ease us into a social scene. After a few excruciating weeks living in a hotel (due to the fact that our relocation company were the worst people at their jobs...I mean truly who goes on vacation and "forgets" to have crates from Toronto and New Haven shipped??) we moved into our new apartment on my 25th birthday. A few days later, I started my new job at a local credit card company working in their legal department. It seemed that things were getting off on a great foot!

As time passes, as you settle into a new life, things start to straighten themselves out. It's not that I am not enjoying myself here in Northwest Arkansas, because I've had worse times elsewhere. It's just that I've come to the conclusion that this isn't the place where I'd want to spend the rest of my life. I miss the looming of big buildings, the hum of traffic, the proximity of things that allows one to walk, the amount of activities at all hours of the day and night. There are nice things about living in the south, there really are. But for me, there aren't enough.

Christmas came and went, New Years followed suite. It was amazing to see my family again, to reconnect with them. I felt more mature this year. I felt like I've come a long way from last year. Then a week in Columbus showed me that everyone is growing up, planning future and getting ready for what happens next. At midnight, we rang in a fresh new year.

Now I'm here, back from vacation, waiting to start work again tomorrow and I'm fighting between feeling really great about everything and having a full blown panic attack. There are a few resolutions that I'm excited about, including eating clean again with paleo. I'm excited to feel good inside and look good outside. It will take some time and work, moving every summer will do that to you. You pack on the pound in a new place, trying new foods, drinking a lot to meet new friends. It all adds up and by the time Christmas rolls around, you're a lot bigger then you planned to be. But I think paleo will be a great decision for me, and for Jacob.

With work, I'm anxious that I'm waisting my time. It's not that the job isn't good, it's a very interesting job with some nice people and it pays my bills. I just always seem to fight between maintaining a good job that will help me be financially stable and doing something that I love. I want to be a creative type, using my mind and talents to make things. But right now I sit in a desk 40 hours a week and end up feelings the worse for it. All that aside, I think I'll stick it out and learn what I can about myself and my abilities. After all, it's not for the rest of my life and I'll probably never see any of these people again. Weird, right?

So on the eve of my 2014, I'm sitting here trying to decide whether to be positive or anxious. I think I've come a long way, too long, to wake up tomorrow afraid of what's going to happen. I think it'll be good. 

I think it'll be good.