Profound Thoughts.

I have this unsettling feeling that this isn't going to be enough. I spend most of my moments dreaming of what's to come. While I'm content with where I am, I'm not content on what's to come.

What is to come? I don't know yet. Well then how can you not be content with something you don't know yet? Because I should plan something, shouldn't I?

I have this unsettling feeling that this isn't going to be enough, that I'm going to want more. But then, why is that an unsettling feeling? Shouldn't it be a good feeling to want more? Maybe it's only a good feeling when you can obtain more. But I can obtain more. I have to push for more, I guess.

I have recently connected with someone from the far corners of my past. We were never close friends, or really friends at all. It was a fellow classmate that spent four years in the same institution (high school) as I did. I hope I don't offend but let's be honest, I don't even remember if we talked much.

Beside the point.

I've suddenly immersed myself in her story. It's really interesting, what happens after you forget your story for a while and listen to someone else's. It feels like someone reset my brain and gave me new aspirations.

It's interesting to me to find someone who is a lot like me. Who I can relate to, even in a small way. It's even more interesting when I find someone like that who has been in my past and, back then, wasn't a part of my present. It's funny how people like that come from the woodwork every so often.

I hope this new found fire that's smouldering inside me will grow. I so badly want the child inside me to prosper. Children have profound hopes, thoughts and dreams. I want my redirected profound thoughts to be reapplied to my new found independence. I want to see where my inner child can take me.

On the Danforth.

This week in Toronto is a rainy one. Not that I mind too much, I get to enjoy jeans and light hoodies, finally. 

New scarf that my mom got me for my birthday.

I'm heading to the Taste of the Danforth. It's a Greek street festival here in TO. Going to try some yummy things and see some fun people.

Tomorrow we bought the cheap seats to see the Blue Jays play with Yankees. I think I'll wear the Yankee jersey I somehow acquired while I was in New Haven. Show a little bit of America pride!

Secretly, the rain inspires me to make some tea, turn on some jazz and dig my sketch book out from the boxes I have yet to unpack. Not that I am any sort of good at drawing, but I pretend.

Creative Motivation.

We all have those little things that motivate us. Whether it's a thought, poem, lyric, movie, article. When we see, read, hear these things we can't help be get inspired. 

For me, it tends to be music. See, I have a very active imagination. I've found that when I listen to music, especially loud music and almost especially in the dark, it allows my imagination to go completely wild and I come up with the best material!

Today I have the unfortunate luck of beginning my work week. A 2 day work week. Woe is me. But even the very, very short week is draining me of all motivation. I feel drained and uninspired. Granted, I'm trying to be creative in a very small field here...I mean trying to come up with original content on Jewish wedding and bar/bat mitzvahs on the daily is hard. 

But today, music seems to be helping me along. I've been into reading lyrics and really understanding what the artist is trying to tell me. Here are some lyrics and some videos that have really helped me today.

some nights

by fun

This is it, boys, this is war - what are we waiting for?

Why don't we break the rules already?

I was never one to believe the hype - save that for the black and white

I try twice as hard and I'm half as liked, but here they come again to jack my style

video games

by lana del rey

It's better than I ever even knew
They say that the world was built for two
Only worth living if somebody is loving you
Baby, now you do

too close

by alex clare

And it feels like I am just too close to love you,
There's nothing I can really say.
I can't lie no more, I can't hide no more,
Got to be true to myself.

What inspires you when you're feeling stuck??

Feeling Very Full.

Of myself, that it. I'm feeling very full of myself at the moment because, as I type this, I am sitting at my new internship in Toronto.

Not only have I moved thousands of miles outside my comfort zones in pretty much every single sense of the friggin word (and been pretty successful...), I have taken my first step (besides this here blog) towards developing a career!

I am now part of the team that manages and runs the social media for an up and coming website in Toronto! Although it's my first day and I have yet to get annoyed with a client or customer or (God forbid) boss, I'm still pretty positive.

The only other thing that makes me things happy (besides the wildly successful and dangerously handsome boyfriend) is this:

It's Always a Time to Give!

In my gift registry, it's already been a busy year,

We had best friend's birthdays, Mother's Day, Father's Day, 

Valentine's Day, boyfriend's birthday, mom's birthday, grandmother's

birthday, anniversaries...phew! That's a lot of presents, right??

Well, with the help of my Pinterest addiction,

I've been able to keep track of the things I see online

that I think would make cool gifts for the people I know!

Here are some of my favorites!

This would make a great gift for a hairdresser or just anyone!

I know I'd wear it just normally! So cute!

I want to make these so badly.

They're DIY fire starters!

How freaking cool!

Gifts for my girls? I think so!

Would also make a great present for bridesmaids??

Another DIY but super easy!

I made these as Christmas gifts for some important women in my life.

I don't even think I need to say anything.

I can't handle how adorbes this is!

Have a tea drinker on your list??
I think I would drink more tea if I had this bad boy....

What are some cool gift ideas you have??

I believe in Me.

I am 23 years old.

I'm not that old.

But I feel like I've accomplished a good number 

of things in my short life.

I graduated high school.

I graduated college.

I've been working since I was 16.

I understand what it means to be an adult.

I've dealt with a lot of problems from 

horrible boyfriends to family troubles.

Then I made one of the biggest decisions in my life.

I up and moved 2,974 miles from my home town of Oregon City, OR

to New Haven, CT.

I knew nobody. 

I had no job.

I didn't know where I was.

But I have come out the other side a happier, healthier, successful, proud,

strong, versatile woman. 

I had my exit evaluation today for my Americorps position

We talked a lot about my work and how I feel about what I've accomplished.

And I feel really great about myself today.

It's the first time in a long time that I feel this great.

I worked my booty off because I wanted challenge, I wanted something to be proud of and I wanted to work hard.

And I did.

My message today is to believe in your yourself, no matter what.

And believe me, I know it's so easy harder then it sounds.

I've had my fair share of crap days.

But the ones that go really well...cherish those.

Channel those days when you're feeling down.

Better yet, don't let yourself get down!

 ( That's something I learned from Jacob <3 )

Lets make today better then yesterday and the best till tomorrow!

(1.)