Just Some Things

Lately I've been feeling like I can't string more then one thought together for long enough to write a whole post about it. But I still want to get all these thoughts and feelings out of my brain so, like some bloggers do "Letter" posts, I'm just going to bullet point like 5 things that I've wanted to write about but can't focus on long enough to finish.

This morning's coffee.

Happy Saturday, btw. 10 days till vacation!!!

1. I've been feeling a lot more socially fulfilled lately, which is ironic because this week I've stopped working at my internship and that was like half of my social time. Then I was sitting at my desk at the studio this morning talking to my director and two of the older dancers and it struck me. I hang out with more people age 10-16 then I do my own age. It's time to start hanging out with people my own age.

2. I realize that I go home in 10 days. That's incredible! I'm so so excited but also a bit sad. That means another year has gone by that I've been creating this other life in which I'm not totally comfortable with. I think I need the little switch in my brain to click so I realize that this is a good thing, that I really do, deep down, love what I'm doing and where I am. I think I'm still clinging to the hope that everything will go back to normal. But I don't want it to, I like traveling and living in interesting places and seeing things and meeting new people. Dear brain, please get it through you!!

3. I've been enjoying running more. I ran for the first time outside yesterday and it was really really hard! But I liked it because I felt like I was making progress because I could see where my run ends and could give it actual distance. I've also spent the past few days looking at pictures of myself in 2011 when I lost a ton of weight. I was so confident and happy. I want that back. I want to look in the mirror and like what I see, not make excuses for what I see.

I have a goal. I'm giving myself till June to get myself back to where I want to be. That's a long time, I know, but I have a vacation planned for Vegas and I want to be able to walk around in shorts and a bikini and feel okay with it. I'm starting now. Wish me luck!

Christmas tree in my building.

4. I've had this whole f-ing fiasco with TMobile to deal with this week and it's actually really stressed me out. Long story short, I got sent to collections A. for an OBSCURE amount of money and B. when I shouldn't have (typical, right?) Since I've been dealing with it I suddenly realize just how my actions impact my life (which sounds ridiculous). Jake pointed out that if I let it go, it'll effect my credit and thus possibly effect any future purchases that rely on credit. Then I had a small panic attack about my future. Man, am I irrational or what? Wish me luck disputing TMobile from not only another country but another time zone! SO fun!

5. On my quest to better myself, I've successfully stopped biting my nails! They aren't very long yet but they're getting there, slowly. This is a HUGE deal for me. I've been biting my nails I think since before my nails started even forming (ew)! It's a nervous tick I think. But I decided that I was nice hands for Christmas and New Years pictures. Plus, having nice nails always has a way of making me feel more girlie!

What has everyone else been up to? Anything you want to get off your chest? I'm all ears!

Locked Out of Heaven

It's Saturday!

Get outta bed, throw some coffee on and dance around in your undies to this!

 



Nike+

Running.

Over the past month or so, I have set a goal to run 3 miles in 30 minutes by December 17th (the date in which I return home to Oregon). I started running a few weeks ago and was doing pretty good, until last week when my energy plumited and I chose to sleep in as much as I could to get through the last week of my hectic schedule.

But now, with 10 days left before I return to Oregon, I only have so long to get my butt into gear and reach my goal! I only have experience running indoors on a tredmill so far but am interested in finding my way into the great outdoors!!

So I'm out gathering information now:
If you are a runner, which do you prefer? Indoors or outdoors? I've heard outdoors is hard but I just get so bored in the gym and it's gets so hot, too!

I also just downloaded Nike+ Running app and am pretty excited to use it! For Christmas, I've asked for new running gear. I'm currently running in oversized t-shirts and yoga pants. I think that if I get some proper running pants and a better sports bra, I'll get more into it. You know, once you put money into something you feel like you have to use it all the time. That's exactly how I am!

On that note, does anyone have any running gear recommendations? I was just going to go ahead and get some Nike gear when I can afford it but if there's a brand out there that I don't know, it'd be nice to hear about it!!

Future.

Since I moved away from home in the summer of 2011, I've been having a really hard time adjusting to life. Adjusting to new places, new people and most of all, starting over all the time. I knew it was going to be difficult, but I never imagined it would be this difficult.

Christmas Joy.

But, I'm glad to report, that it's slowly getting easier. 

Yesterday I finished my first real internship at Post City Magazine. For three months, I was pulling double duty, working at the magazine in the morning then going to work at night. Besides being completely exhausted (so much so for the last week I kept sleeping through my work out alarm!), I actually started to grow more and more excited about the future. 

I've started feeling more confident about myself. Now I know what I am capable of, I feel more confident to head into the world and actually start developing my own career as a writer.

Over the past two weeks or so, I've been e-mailing a friend and former college editor about life. I always looked up to him because he is so talented and someone who's opinion a really trusted.  I asked him what I should do next, where should I go from here, how do I transition from this internship to life. And after a few e-mails, he pointed something out that made me have a light bulb moment. 

I'm having a hard time narrowing down a career because I just have too many ideas. 

At first I considered this a potentially bad thing. But over the past few days, I think I'm going to be okay. I like that I have many idea on what I want to do with my life. I like that I have so many options for my future, as long as I'm proactive with them. 

I'm going to spend the rest of my time here in Toronto participating in internships in different fields, working on narrowing down what I love to do. I'm going to build an sturdy portfolio, gain a lot of experience and go into my next move prepared for the future. 

I'm feeling really good about life right now. Maybe it's the sudden bank of free time. Maybe it's the Christmas mug I'm drinking coffee out of it. Maybe it's the less then two week countdown I have going for Christmas vacation. But maybe I am just, finally, finding myself.

Can I Help You??

Something I would like to know is who invented customer service.

I'm sitting here at my desk, minding my own business and doing my work. I talk politely to people, not because I have to but because it's in my nature. I smile and make jokes because I'm nice. But then in flies Hurricane Bitch over here who decides it's okay to be rude and raise her voice and look down at me (well, she looks down at me because she's standing and I'm sitting but it really adds to the effect of anger!).

I guess there was something wrong with her account that she was pissed off about and decided to some take it out on me. Now this would be all fine and legit if I was the one who caused the problem but I'm not. And let's face it, everyone knows I don't actually make any of the rules or regulations, I just get the wonderful job of enforcing them.

My Life.

After she left, the heat started to leave my cheeks and my heart stopped racing. And as I sat here, letting the waves calm if you will, I started thinking about customer service. Who in the hell invented that position? In many cases, people who work customers service are normal, nice people who face the same trials and tribulations as everyone else but because they answer phones, greet you at a table, answer your questions and are generally the face of many businesses and corporations, they get treated like shit. But why is that?

Let's be real: I'm a nice person. I like making people smile. I like helping people out. Generally, I get off on making someone else happy (sorry for being vulgar, it just fit). So why should I sit here, when I do my job and I do my job well, just to be yelled at by someone who isn't happy about something that has nothing to do with me? Because somehow, customer service has developed to be this way over time.

When I started waitressing, I started thinking more and more about how I treat customer service type people. When I have to call about a bill or am taking an item back to the store or have to talk to people in general really, I think about how I would feel to be yelled at. It's not very fun, actually. I understand that sometimes you do get a bitch for a server or that the person at T Mobile really is an idiot but do your karma a favor, go into the situation thinking about someone else's feelings for a change, it may help you out in the future.

That or try being a waitress for a while. Either you'll start seeing the other side of it or your heart will freeze over and you'll join the ranks of the rude, inconsiderate bitch army that populate most of the world.

If you couldn't tell, I feel strongly about this issue. But I'm being serious. Just be nice to people, it makes you smile more, it makes other people smile more, it makes the world a better place, people.

Bookcase.

While I think technology is ruining the world, I'm still holding onto books. I refuse to admit that there is anything better then lovely thick pieces of paper, printed with ink and bound together. I love everything about books, especially old books. I love the smell of old books.

Amazing.

I was having a conversation today with a coworker about books. I don't think I will ever succumb to a Kindle or iPad for reading. I don't think I could do that. I need to hold the book. I love to dog ear the pages and crack the spines. Searching for where you left off is part of the magic of reading! If it's a book I particularly love, I'll even highlight passages I like. You can't do that with a Kindle.

When I grow up and have a house of my own, I want a large bookcase. Preferably, I'd have a library with shelves and shelves and shelves, plenty of room to store my babies.

I like to think I have a solid collection of books for my age, but I can't wait to expand it. I have a very extensive cook book collection, thank you to my wonderful grandmother who usually includes at least one cook book at each gift giving event. And I welcome them all with open arms. I think I've tried at least once recipe from each book, except maybe the fine French cuisine but it's on my to do list! I actually miss them, my cook books. I used to go to them for everything but now that they're in storage, I have to refer to the Internet *shudder*.

But I'm constantly having this inner battle with myself about the library. I loved the library when I was a kid. It allowed me access to any book I could literally think of and I read a lot when I was a kid. But now, like, I want a library card but I don't see the point, since I'm a book whore...er...hoarder, I don't want to rent the book, read it, then buy it. I want to straight up buy it. Luckily, however, I am the book buyer that actually rereads books! I think if I didn't then I'd have a problem but I have some books that I've read three or four times! That's the best part about owning books, honestly.

I hope that books stay around forever. As my internship ends, I plan on treating myself to some new books. Well, technically old books. There's a store here called The Monkey's Paw that I want to visit. It's a used book store but it has some really strange books. They also have a book vending machine. That's right. You'll just have to wait to see pictures!

Things I Now Know About Myself

For someone who is usually semi reluctant to change, I find myself at a cross roads more often then not these days. Something in my life is always a-changin’.

Next week, my internship at Post City Magazines is over. I’m having a lot of mixed feelings on the topic. As my first real experience with a publication, I think it was a pretty successful one. Not only have I been able to grow my portfolio like I wanted, but I’ve learned a lot about writing, working at a publication and myself.

Writing: When I left college, I was convinced that news writing wasn’t for me, that I wanted to write long, witty, flowery stories and spend weeks and week working on one piece. While I think a part of me still feels this way, I think I want to try out news writing again. After spending a few months of food writing and writing reviews and trying to be witty everyday, I think I need to try straight forward news. While I enjoy painting a picture and developing a story, like in creative writing, I’m no good at it when I have to talk about a subject.

Working at a publication: Jake and I have almost always butt heads about working environments. When we lived in Toronto, he created this really cool desk/office area so us in our bedroom. He spent more time there then I did, honestly, so I didn’t make any fuss over how it would be, but I learned something crazy about myself. I need creative clutter. I have to have a space that is comfy, with pictures and color and noise (both audible and visual). Jake needs to have everything in order, clean, organized and quiet. This was just reaffirmed with me when I started at the magazine. Nothing against the office, but it was too quite for me. I felt like I couldn’t work right in that environment. Eventually, I did get used to it, actually. But I still had to at least listen to music all day.

Myself: I think I learned the most about myself during the process. I learned that I hate mornings without coffee even more when I actually have work to do. I learned that I like coming up with story ideas, even though I rarely shared any, it was fun to see what I came up with compared to what other writers came up with. I learned that I work best while chewing gum and multitasking (meaning I usually have 4 or more tabs open on the Internet browser and am constantly reading, reading,reading). I learned that every hour or so, I need to take a short break, get some water and have a quick chat with either someone around me or someone online.

 

You learn a lot about yourself when you’re put into a situation that you’re usually not familiar with. I’ve never worked in an office environment before, so it was interesting realizing the different things I’m okay with and what I’m not okay with. I def wouldn’t trade this experience for anything in the book, for a first internship it went really well. I’m excited to move forward, to try out new things and to see where else I can go.

 

But in all honesty, I’m excited to sleep the F in from now on!