Thursday, November 8, 2012

Starting on the Left Foot.

I spend a lot of time thinking about my body. Thinking about what I'd like it to become, how I will actually get there and if I could actually do it. I spend a lot of time Googling different work outs, body types and celebs and their routines. I spend a lot of time thinking about my life, how I should change it, what I should be doing, what I need to do instead.

Then I look in the mirror, like really look into my own eyes in the mirror and think, "who am I? What am I doing here? Who am I doing this for?"

When I look in the mirror, I see my tired eyes, bags slowly getting bigger and less likely to be covered with MAC concealer. I see ridiculous hair, ends laying past my chest, frizzy in places and starting to get piece-y as it does before it start to dredd. I see my arms, not muscular by any means (ha), covered in light blonde hair. I'm thankful for blonde body hair.  I see the waist line of my tight leggings. I try not to think that they're to tight. I try to stay positive.

I stare for longer and see all the imperfections. I sit for longer and think of the people around me. I think about the girls I hang out with here in Toronto. They're petite, wearing heels only brings them to my shoulders. I think about my friends back home. About Joanna, who will pretty much always be someone in my life that I compare myself to (not in a negative way). About my other girlfriends, who I don't look like.

And I think, is it really that bad?? I'm not a typical girl. I have come to terms with the fact that I'll never be 5'6" and a size 4. I can be a size 8, I did it last year, but it's unrealistic for me to keep. I just want to be happy. I want to be happy with myself, with my body mostly. I want to walk by a mirror and think, I look nice. I want to not spend half my day comparing myself to the girl next to me, who's half my size. I want to be confident.

So how do I go from thinking about my weight, my body and how it's not 'enough' to be confident and happy with myself. How do I do it?

I don't know but I hope to get there.


  1. I hope you do get there, you are besautiful - be happy with your beautiful body from the inside out!

  2. It is the hardest thing to do... I am like that, I think all women are like that, always comparing to each other, even the ones you think are the prettiest or thinner or whatever... And I absolutely think is a good thing because it makes you work on yourself and try to be a better version of it, and even if you don't get to look any closer to them, the small changes are the ones that let you know that you can do it :)