Thursday, May 31, 2012

Cause you're a Firework.

Summer is fast approaching and with it comes personally, the most stressful season of all:
Swim Suit season.

Does anyone else have anxiety about letting the world see you basically naked in a tiny swim suit??

I've been battling a lot lately with my body and how I see myself.
My darling boyfriend is always telling me that he thinks I'm beautiful 
(good man :) )
But sometimes, I just want to look in the mirror and like what I see.
I've been focusing a lot on trying to find the things I like about myself and focusing on those, while trying to improve the things I don't like about myself.
Wanna know the hardest part??

Staying positive.

I've been going a lot of stress with battling to move to Toronto, 
panicking over a lost passport,
applying for a new one,
hunting for a job but constantly getting rejected because 
I don't have a work visa
(whic you can't seem to obtain with a job...hmm...)
trying to enjoy my last few weeks here and enjoying the sunshine.

With the sun coming out and my skin itching for some Vitamin D,
I want to go play in the water and lay around.
But my anxiety about how I look is def taking over.

I'm trying to stay positive.
I'm trying to keep pushing.
But most of the time, I just want to cry and devour 12 chocolate cupcakes.

Does anyone else feel these things??
Am I alone on the issue??

I see girls with so much confidence and I want that so badly.

When will I finally accept myself for who I am??
Will I ever stop trying to be something else??
Should I strive to be something that I view as better then what I am??

Loaded questions I know but it's been on my mind lately.


  1. Well, you know I feel insecurities in a swimsuit, but because of being underweight. You aren't alone at all! I don't know many people happy with their bodies and the ones that seem so confident, look good because of exactly that, their confidence. A lot of people have told me looking good isn't necessarily in your body, it's your attitude.

  2. Everyone is insecure about something! You're right by trying to focus on the good rather than the bad, that's the best thing to do! Also, the good thing about bodies is that we can always improve with hard work and dedication! Don't worry! And good luck with your move! It must be so stressful!

  3. I feel like I am in the midst of the same battle constantly. It's harder for girls with real curves because we're told we need to be rail thin in order to be beautiful. At a certain point I have to tell myself that this is what my body looks like and no matter what, there are people out there that wish they had what I've got. Mostly my insecurity comes from worry about what other people see when they look at me. It's hard, but I'm trying my best to not think about that. It's about me looking in the mirror and going "Damn girl. Look at those giant hips that someone is gonna love to grab."
    And I agree with Kaitlin. It's about the attitude. I recently became friends with my brother's girlfriend. I was hearing from him how gorgeous she was. But when I met her, I was surprised because I didn't really think so. Her and I started talking. Then I realized what he meant. She is so sweet, so kind, and so interesting that now I look at her and I think she is one of the prettiest people I've ever met. We can't control what other people do or think. But we can control what we do and think. :)

  4. I know exactly what you mean. I have battled with anxiety over my figure for years, never feeling good enough, and it is really only since being with my current boyfriend that I finally feel at peace with my body. Alot of things happened before I met him that crushed my confidence, but he has helped me so much. A year ago, there is no WAY I would have put up photos of myself on a blog, I felt that I looked so bad. I agree about attitude too: I definitely think that when I go out feeling good about myself, I look much better than I used to, when I was constantly criticising myself. These days if I want a cupcake, I have a cupcake (or six!) and I try not to worry about it. I'd rather enjoy my life (and I do love food!) than lose a couple more pounds! I hope you can find a way to be confident just the way you are. We are definitely our own harshest critics!

    And good luck with the move :) I know how stressful it can be, I moved in February, and I am still struggling to find full time work. I'm also finding staying positive hard, especially without my group of friends from home around. But I guess it's all about finding the positive things and not dwelling on the bad things. Anyway, sorry this is so long, and sending lots of good wishes your way :)

  5. There is a quote/paragraph that has really helped me with stuff like this.

    “I actually attack the concept of happiness. I don’t mind people being happy - but the idea that everything we do is part of the pursuit of happiness seems to me a really dangerous idea and has led to a contemporary disease in Western society, which is fear of sadness. It’s a really odd thing that we’re now seeing people saying 'write down 3 things that made you happy today before you go to sleep', and 'cheer up' and 'happiness is our birthright' and so on. We’re kind of teaching our kids that happiness is the default position - it’s rubbish. Wholeness is what we ought to be striving for and part of that is sadness, disappointment, frustration, failure; all of those things which make us who we are. Happiness and victory and fulfillment are nice little things that also happen to us, but they don’t teach us much. Everyone says we grow through pain and then as soon as they experience pain they say 'Quick! Move on! Cheer up!' I’d like just for a year to have a moratorium on the word 'happiness' and to replace it with the word 'wholeness'. Ask yourself 'is this contributing to my wholeness?' and if you’re having a bad day, it is.”
    —Hugh Mackay, psychologist and social researcher

    While I am an insanely optimistic person I want to always remember that all the bad, struggles and failures I have faced/will face lead me to wholeness. This has never been truer to me after some of the things that have gone down in my life over the past few years. I thought that striving for "perfect" was the way to find happiness. I would much rather be a whole person than a perfect one.

    Choose to look at struggles whether they be body, job, friends, boyfriend, whatever as life lessons that make you stronger and wiser.

  6. Hey Freya, It seems like things are a bit tough lately and I agree that change and uncertainty are not easy to accept/deal with. I really struggle with uncertainty in my life. I agree with the others that we cannot always be happy. Sadness is inevitable and these emotions are what make us human. I think it is how we cope with our emotions that matter.


  7. Okay, so I'm so freaked out about bathing suits that I don't even own one. How crazy is that? The problem right now is that with the weight I've gained, I'm so not properly proportionate enough for a one-piece -- I'd be like a size 12 in the top, but an 8 in the bottom. And while I could get a two piece, it's not really my thing and I think I'd feel self conscious. I'm just going to hit the gym a wee bit more and hope I can balance things out eventually. But this struggle you're talking about, I've really been going through lately as well. I try to write positive script for myself, but like any new habit, learning them takes time. Luckily, you have people around you who are supportive.